last post of 2009

A year has somehow gone by since I sat and typed my last post of 2008 looking ahead to the upcoming year with anticipation. Truth be told, as many of you witnessed, it wasn't the most stellar year and I am okay with moving on to 2010 and all that it will hold. It will be a year of growth, adventures in far away places and then - chances are - coming back home again. 2010 - I am ready.

Tonight I am tucked in at Tiffany's after a slow starting day due to last night's festivities at Cobalt with Nick, the sisters and crew. I drove down here after work to find them chowing on popsicles around the kitchen table - Carter's lips all orange and Morgan's purple. Both of the kids lit up when they saw me which just makes my heart melt. Morgan told me she was a little good today and that she wanted me to help her get ready for bed. She also said that she is a little bit of a big girl but not as big as us - adorable. I am surprised that they both don't run away from me each time they see me for fear of being smothered with kisses or call me the crazy camera aunt or something. My sister does an incredible job raising them. I am excited to wake up to them tomorrow and get to hang a bit before heading down to DC to play with the miller reese's and then kristen. After much debate, the plan for a much hyped new year's eve is going to be spent at a low key spot in Georgetown with some fabulous girls.

The work countdown is pretty much 30 days...one more month of work. Ahhhhh...2010, I am ready for you, I must admit.

ciao year

christmas weekend

Christmas was truly awesome this year. So great to be with everyone, catch up and enjoy whatever amazing food happened to be close by. The day before was spent at the car wash behind mom (this makes the top 10 list of reasons I am glad not to have a car) and then with hundreds of people in line at the grocery store picking up essential last minute things. Kara was here waiting and we headed up to Frederick to see Dad, Joanne and crew and also to put together this elaborate dream barbie house that we got for our only niece who we must love like crazy because this thing took us almost two hours. But it was fun to do together and over a splash or two of wine. Parents - you have my complete respect and awe at all that you are able to do and how easy you often make it look. Bubi, Grandma and Grandad Keefe, the Cavanaugh's, the Hamilton's and the MacKinnons arrived through out the afternoon and we did the big reveal of Morgan's gift which she seemed to really like - thankfully...otherwise, I might have cried. We met mom and Brian at the 5 pm service and then came back to start our Christmas with K + B. Mom gave us the most amazing gift - it's a collection of mom-mom's recipes in her hand writing for out own kitchens! I absolutely love it. We had our annual party at Chrissy's with the Kane's, Neith's, Willoughby's and Alderman's. Paige's ring sparkled and I shared my eat, pray, love plans with a few which I am getting more and more excited about. Kendall got home late and we continued our Christmas at mom's and then crashed sometime around 2 am. It was a white Christmas and we did stockings and had breakfast before Kara and Brian headed down to OC to spend the weekend with the Humes. Mom totally spoiled me - I got the Jim Croce cd that I am listening to now and love, her perfume/ dead sexy, my recipe program for my mac, gift cards - and I think that that mom and Ken liked what I got them. We headed over to Chrissy's for a bit and then I went to Dad's where the celebrations continued. I must have been a good girl this year :) the kids were high energy and precious, turkey dinner was ridiculous complete with the traditional oyster shooters. We ended the evening by watching my sister's keeper. The grand parents left in the morning and we lazed around a bit before I met Karen to discuss our great adventure. We made progress yesterday afternoon and after thinking of starting in South America (maybe Peru) for approximately 3 weeks in February. Much to research and plan between now and then but it might actually start coming together in the next week and a half or so. We want to do Europe in March and April and the list in terms of where keeps growing but we might as well do everything we want to. It's fun because neither of us have anything that we must be back for so the name of the game will be stretching our money as much as we can and taking our time in places we love. This is really happening! Today we are getting together with Kate, Kim and Kristen which I am excited about - need to get out of bed....

people don't take trips

trips take people

I haven't been everywhere but it's on my list

what I love about...

This was the title of what was read to me late tonight after I got home from a night of running around Columbia. I love to walk into the house (okay, okay - stumble, I was carrying shopping bags, groceries of sorts and random other bags that I have been living out of while I have been without my suitcases and stuff these past few days * more on that later) Kara and Brian are on their couch in their comfs, Christmas lights are on, presents are wrapped and under the tree or spread out waiting to be wrapped and I can take a deep breath finally. Only tonight was not like every other night...Kara decided she wanted to give me a present early and she whips out this gorgeous looking paper and starts reading. "What I love about You Kelly Choy" - minutes and paragraphs and tears and smiles go by and she sums up me to a tee (everything from knowing all of the words to buffalo stance to introducing them to coffee and how I pick up but don't clean). I am overwhelmed by love and by emotions and laughter at some of her funny thoughts and comments and mostly just speechless that she spent the time putting this together. There were things in there that I didn't realize about myself until she pointed them out! How is it possible to put all of that into words and then communicate it so beautifully. If love was a liquid, I would be spilling it all over the floor at the moment. I am blown away by the ins and outs of sisterhood and how I have these 4 amazing women in my life that I am lucky enough to go through everything with. They make me feel like I am never alone no matter when I may be but rather part of a pack.

last week...good times

December 18, 2009, SW flight to Baltimore

It’s been a short but crazy week thus far filled with holiday spirit, lots of work celebrations and good-byes. Monday we had our team holiday lunch at midi where I managed to get a little tipsy off of champagne and white wine...ahhh....day drinking. I sat next to TR and it was good to hear his perspective on traveling and also keeping doors open in terms of opportunity on the east coast. That afternoon I spent downloading 5 years of photos and wonderful memories onto a flash drive so I could store them on my new computer and they wouldn’t be lost forever. It’s unreal how my has changed since I walked into the doors at Adcom on a rainy April’s Fools Day years ago. Monday night Lady Gaga - my new obsession- was playing at the civic center and I stalked a few criagslist people to see if I could score 2 tix for xtin and I...no such luck. Let met just go on about her for a bit ---> mark my words, she will be the next madonna. girlfriend is crazy and eccentric but super talented whether she is belting out a ballad or jumping around to a catchy dance song. Kara gave me a copy of her cd when I was home in November and I literally have played it everyday since then. It is the best album (is that what they are still called?) that I have heard in a really long time, if ever. speechless - how moving. bad romance - forget about it. she ate my heart, hello...I cannot stop listening to her. Julia got home from Rio on Monday night - I worked on Christmas cards and we caught up. Tuesday after work almost the whole office came out to a happy hour Tiffany organized at EA5. It was so fun! Lauren’s friend Kelly came by and after hours of drinking and laughing with great work people, the three of us snuck out to Kokkari where we dined on delish greek food. It was really nice to catch up with them - as we were wrapping up with full bellies and chardonnay still in our glasses, we talked at length about relationships, how sometimes the grass seems greener and they told me that they think much of what I do is with grace and that I have such good energy. Okay, the grace thing was a first - as I do not even come close to associating myself with that word and actually feel so un-graceful most of the time. In terms of the energy thing, this might sound crazy, but I do feel that lately I am able to tap into a very cool, different place and bring a sense of calmness to people around me. I hadn’t heard this until two years ago or so and now I hear it quite often which makes me feel good. Yesterday was supposed to be my last day in SF - PJ and I went over to a client meeting almost first thing, we stopped for coffee on the way back to the office and he asked me if I would consider staying on for a while longer to help with the transition. This caught me off guard because I had been trying to be soon done with everything in my mind but it would give me longer to wrap things up and two extra pay checks. He said that I could work from where I want to and so I am leaning toward it and plan to discuss more with him tomorrow. A huge group of us - maybe 17 or so - went to lunch at The Irish Bank as a send off which was fun, I packed my desk up that afternoon and that was that. Last night turned out to be such a fun girls night - xtin, julia and i were hanging out, sipping vino while I was trying to finish packing. Then Izabella and Chloe came over and we all hung out for the next few hours - do angel cards, playing with the baby, chatting about the latest tiger woods drama, traditions, etc. We walked them home after and headed to Luisa’s -probably the best Italian food in our neighborhood. Iz offered to take me to sfo bright and early this morning before our street or the sun woke up - I am feeling very blessed to have the close friendships that I do on the west coast.

places to go, things to do, people to see

Twelve short days until Christmas - I really need to get shopping. Shopping...I have such a love/ hate relationship with. On one hand, I can shop until I drop. On the other, I have to be in the mood, I am not a fan of going from hot to cold and then back to hot or cold again, I also don’t like carrying heavy bags, coats, etc. I have to walk quickly by the trendy boutiques that line Union and so many other streets in sf. I am so looking forward to being around everyone back home - soaking them up. I wonder how it will feel to wake up and not have to go to work, to do what I want with my time. Great news on the travel front! Kara put Karen and I in touch. She is recently back from a year in Korea and we are going to get together and figure out where and when and what and all of that good stuff. So this is really happening...!

It was secret santa week at work. I drew Jeremiah and my goodness is it hard to stick to $3 and to buy for a boy. Ironically enough, Christina had me, I had Jeremiah and Jeremiah had Christina. The big reveal was Friday with mimosas and pictures in front of the huge tree in the lobby. It is such a good group of people that I will miss. Friday night xtin and I went and saw The Blindside. It was incredibly moving and inspiring - it is amazing the difference having a support system can be. I am lucky to have been born into one and to have formed one over the years that is truly irreplaceable.

Saturday turned out to be a pretty amazing day. I actually didn’t rush out of the apartment and instead started going through things which is long overdue. I cannot get over what I have accumulated through the years. After several hours of this, I put together a random bag and headed over to Geary Street. We made brunch at Christina’s and then hung out for the next few hours. I can’t help but be a little impressed with myself at how quickly I was able to get ready after hearing from p. We met up at the little london deli bar up the street which as it turns out is the smallest pub west of the mississippi. It was great to see him and catch up - after a few beers - some that other patrons bought us- we headed to R+G’s in Chinatown and ended the night at Notte...now I am sitting here surrounded by piles of clothes, Christmas cards, suitcases and clean floors :)

finally - a decision

December 8, 2009

I finally made a decision

Woohoo! It feels good after almost two weeks of much back and forth and talking to my tremendous people, weighing my options and figuring out what is most important to me, I can say that I am ready to move forward. I have decided to participate in the VSP and start the next chapter in my life...and I am excited about it. Not knowing what it will hold or when I might find a job is definitely scary but the reality of the situation is that my heart is not in it any more and it’s been a tough year professionally and personally and I need to do what is best for me and makes me the most happy - and this is it, of that I am sure. So now I just need to actually pull the trigger officially which I plan to do tomorrow or the day after at the latest. How I loved, loved Advertising.com and all of the people that I got to know because of that amazingly unique company. I cannot however hold on to what is no longer. I want to soak people up for a while (December/January), do all of the stuff I want in California for the next few months, TRAVEL (feel a huge need to experience others places and do my own eat, pray, love stint - Asia, South America, Europe...) and then potentially settle back east - thinking DC. Cannot wait to see what is ahead and how it all shakes out!

happy and sad

On my way home tonight I couldn't help but notice that so many people (myself included) were engrossed with their blackberrys, iphones, ipods, phones to even pay attention to anything that was going on around them. The person that was sitting next to or across from them or really anything outside of what was going on in their own little small, electronic world. When did this happen? It wasn't the case 10 years ago when I was in college (omg - was it really that long ago?! how is that possible?) Are there less people that we get to actually interact with face to face because of the amount of time that we are instead engrossed in a text, a message, a conversation, checking facebook, etc. I want to be better about this and not get caught up in the way that it is. I mean if I had been so concerned with what my phone had to offer this morning, I totally might have missed my bus crush and that would have been a shame.

I love when people say happy holidays and mean it. Honestly, I think that my heart sings and I cannot help but smile when I hear this sincere wish from one to another.

I am not too much closer to making any sort of decision - although by this time next week, I won't be able to say that. I can see both paths in my future which makes it difficult and so I need to list and budget and weigh some things versus others and see how it all unfolds. Am I brave enough to leave something that I am comfortable with and explore the unknown? Would I regret it if I did not? What will the future hold? And if I can go anywhere that I want for a while, where would it be? So many questions and possibilities....

gotta love gogo

It certainly was a great past few weeks ...right now I am on the plane back to SF absolutely loving the fact that I can be on the internet during my flight. Hello, gogo. I think that I love you.

I am probably a bit sleep deprived and slightly dehydrated and I am sure that I look like something that the cat drug in sporting my most comfortable hodge podge outfit, glasses and minimal make up that I applied at 4:30 am :)

Here it is December somehow. Long day ahead but it will be good to see and catch up with everyone and to not live in a suitcase for a bit. Besides, my poor gym probably thinks that we broke up...

Tons on my mind. Decisions to make. Lots to consider and need to "dig deep" which I plan to do over the next week and see what path is going to be the best. I am in need of a pro con list and quite frankly for someone to tell me one way or the other. It's not a bad position to be in and could be quite exciting. I am incredibly lucky to have the support system that I do and so many people that believe in and support me regardless of what I decide. Stay tuned.

Kristen called me last night and said that her, dad, Jo, Grandma and Grandad figured out what our perfect job would be and they were right. Write travel guides for people like us...the fun, good time seeking not college kids but not older people, this is the best way to experience this amazing place, real life reviews on spots, restaurants - the whole she-bang. That would certainly satisfy my travel bug and love for writing and food...we shall see.

One of my favorite times of year

Thanksgiving week - god, I love it. The anticipation of the feast, seeing so many people on and surrounding Thanksgiving day, the scurry to have things ready all at the same time (please note if I ever cook for you, this is what I am worst at so if we ever eat the main course, then the apps, then the sides - now you will understand why. Last year we started the tradition of going to the movies on the night of and so this year all 10 of us piled into cars, drove down to the theater and watched New Moon. I won't go on and on about how much I love this series and how much I crush on Edward...

Yesterday was Black Friday and although we were not those people that were up with the sun and in line to get into the stores at 5 am, we did venture out in search of a perfect flat screen (ps - you will know that I am truly settled wherever I am going to be when I get one of these). The parking lots, the crazy wind, the hustle and bustle and people needing to find the perfect gift, the lines, the excitement of it all. Mom, Kara and I decided to plant ourselves at a cozy little lunch spot in Columbia with several cups of coffee and hours of conversation. After I stopped by one of my new favorite, east coast wine stores that has nothing to do with the very attractive manager, I headed down to Pasadena to hang out with the Drennings. I hadn't seen Jackson in three months and my goodness does he just get cuter and cuter. He had just woken up from his nap - good timing on my part which let's face it, I can't always say. We visited for a few hours - I love Jaime and Craig - and their relationship and how laid back and real they are. The week before, J, Heather and I had met for dinner which turned into into trivia which was random but fun. We certainly do need some practice though or maybe just more trivia-ish people to join our team. After leaving, I met Meredith for din and to catch up in Columbia. We are both at interesting places right now...and each time I see her I am thankful that we were random roommates all of those years ago. There was a first for the angel cards - our waiter saw us doing them and asked what they were - then he drew one and said that made his day. Something made me walk through the bar on the way out and I actually ran into Dave and Anna! It was so good to see him and hear their news...

Today we are spa-ing it at The Pearl and I cannot wait. I love that place.

NY, NY

November 16th, Monday 9: 20 am EST

I am sitting on a train on my way to Baltimore after a really fun, pretty jam packed weekend in New York. I ventured out to Long Island on the LIRR Saturday morning. Immediately you get the sense that you aren’t in California anymore...Mike and Al picked me up from the train station and took me back to the house. Aunt Margie was so happy to see me and the second I walked into her place she asked if I was hungry and started scambling eggs and putting on coffee. I didn’t want to admit it but I was exhausted since I didn’t sleep much if at all on the red-eye. Although I must say that jetblue does it right with their sleep masks and making people shut the windows so that the sun doesn’t come glaring in. It is amazing to me how much she looks, sounds and is like Mom-mom. I ate and we sat, visited and looked at pictures. I cannot believe she is 91 - she looks so much younger and is definitely young at heart. She told me about her grandmother that lives with them and whom she was very close to. She said the she and her mom would cook up a storm and not let her do anything/in the kitchen (now I know why she and Mum were such great cooks and hostesses). Mercedes popped in and out and I saw Vincent and Alana briefly before they had to leave. It was a rainy, fall day but cool to see the leaves on the ground in various colors and be tucked away in this little cozy home. Aunt Margie has a great philosophy on whatever will be will be and told me how great it was that I get to experience all that I am now. We had a delicious italian dinner - pasta with ricotta, amazing sauce, salad and probably among the best cheese cake that I have ever had. She gave me some recipes, we took a few photos and before we knew it I had to leave to catch the train into Penn Station. It was so great to see my New York family and I hope to get back there sometime in the next few months. Unfortunately, I haven’t yet learned how to pack light and so me and all of my bags find ourselves on a rainy street corner in Manhattan. I finally got to Heather’s place in Hell’s Kitchen. It was great to see her, Bella and meet Tal her boyfriend who I am such a fun of. I got the tour and we hung for a bit before taking the subway down to Nolita (North of LIttle Italy - look at me!) to meet some of their friends for dinner. It is a fun group and I am so glad to see her so happy. We headed back to her place after some cocktails and dinner II to hang and then completely crashed. Yesterday we took our time leaving her place, drank tea, got ready, me re-packed, ex-changed product secrets, did our angel cards and met Tal for brunch somewhere we could sit outside and watch the world go by. Next stop was Meredith’s new place not far from there where we picked her up, dropped my stuff and ventured out and about - and that we did - we walked miles yesterday popping into different stores, the designer’s market, etc. Our final stop was the Isreali super market called the Holyland where I stocked up on the this amazing chocolate stuff. H and I said good-bye and I hope that it’s not another 7 months before we see each other again - however, I know that even if that is the case we will be able to pick up right where we left off. Mer and I went to The Crooked Tree for crepes and sangria. This was a whole new part of NY that I had never seen before and really liked. Small little cafes and restaurants on tree lined streets with brownstones and interesting people. We went back to her new apartment on 10th and Bleaker - I am so bad at the neighborhoods, I can’t even remember what it is considered. We watched some football with Todd and then the 3 of us tried out a quaint international, comfort food type of place close to their place. I had stew type bass and we shared a vegetable pot pie. The Magnolia Bakery was our final stop of the day which is this amazing cupcake/ desert place that was bumping on a Sunday night with a line almost out the door and music blaring. On our way there, Mer took me by the stairs in front of Carrie’s apartment on Sex in the City which was cool to see. We devoured our cup cakes, watched some tv and called it a night. Tonight I get to see mom and Kendall!

leaving on a jet plane

tomorrow at this time i will be on my way to the airport to take the red eye to jfk. it has been probably 6 or 7 years since i have been. when we all went in the snow storm and got to see saturday night live which was so cool. i can't wait to be on the east coast for a while. i should actually be packing but instead i went out for a few beers with xtin after work to watch the 49ers game and not pack and now well...what better time to blog!

i need to book my december flight back east - what do i think that flights are going to become less expensive? that certainly won't be the case. i just need to figure it out and do it. somehow this year is almost over and i am definitely ready to put 2009 behind us when the time comes and look ahead to 2010.

recently there has been a lot of talk everywhere about lay offs. maybe because i have already experienced this years ago and know how i have to keep things in perspective but i haven't been as wrapped up in it. it's always sad regardless to hear that people that work hard/were passionate about the company/have a family were let go.

i wonder what tomorrow will feel like. i know it's just another day but still...

okay, okay - no more procrastinating allowed. i need to figure out how to get all of these layers, boots and chargers in this large, heavy bag that i will be transporting for the next few weeks!

blogging

I've been anxious to blog all weekend and now here I sit with my back ground music on, in my comfs, feet up, gorgeous mac screen glaring at me and I cannot for the life of me come up with a title for today's post - nice.

Week run down:

Monday after work I met Julia at Blue Light to watch the Phillies beat the Yankees in game 17 or something of the world series. Tuesday Iz and I took Chloe for a walk and to TJ's (her last night of her 20s!). Wednesday Christina and I went to Tortilla Heights to catch up, grub and sip on cocktails - she was fuzzy. Thursday - ah, Thursday...I got a mani and pedi with clients over lunch, after took a quick snow leopord operating system class at the crazy apple store in union square and then met P at Colibri. This was a long time coming -we talked and talked and had amazing margaritas and ventured over to Le Coloniel after and time quickly went by as we discussed adjustments and travel and food. All in all a great day. I couldn't help but think of how many interesting people there are and how lucky I was to come across one that just happens to have a ridiculous accent :) Friday Rich and I organized a little surprise party for Iz at this popular happy hour spot that starts with a Z that I hadn't been to before. I couldn't help but look around the table after several cocktails and feel amazed at the lives that have become intertwined with mine. People that I work with and see almost every day and yet want to know what is on their minds and can almost forget what feeling lonely feels like. I have found that it's one extreme or the other most time. Either your phone doesn't ring and everyone is busy with their every day life or there are several people that reach out at once and you are overwhelmed almost by love and a feeling of belonging that you usually only feel at a dinner table in Maryland. There were rounds and rounds of shots, squatting, golden boy pizza, rapping, betting - all kinds of shenanagins going on.

Yesterday was Jon's service. I knew that I wanted to do something in memory of him and our life together at some point during the day. I was sad to not be there with his family (selfishly). After my yoga class, I ventured down to SoMa to meet Julia and her parents to watch the Penn State game. Christina met me and had graciously told me that we could do whatever I wanted to do. I had decided that steak and red wine would be the way to go because all of the delicious meals that we had shared at almost every steak house in Baltimore City and County. Dinner was yum - I find myself trying to describe him to people that never knew him and it just doesn't do him justice. There are no words - how do you say his face crinkled up and you could barely see his eyes when he smiled, he gave near bone crushing hugs and there was no where else you wanted to be, he made you feel like you were the only person in the world and would send you lyrics that touched him deeply and that he needed to share, he believed in doing everything completely and right from dinners to presentations to present buying, he had a 'kelly choy' voice and words that you both used that didn't make sense to others, he was passionate almost to a fault and once he let you in to his world there was no way of leaving, he loved animals and children and art, he was truly one of a kind and at times you think that you will hear from him any moment and others you are overcome by grief and a sense of loss that you wouldn't wish on anyone. I over did it. I got emotional. I know that time heals and that we were put in each others lives for a reason. There are no more should have, could have, what ifs. It was what it was and it was beautiful and crazy and fun. I hope to find the rock that symbolizes all of this/

sweet november

we are experiencing a heat wave in november. full on hot, sun dresses out (I cannot bring myself to do this), bus windows wide open, sweltering in our apartment...it's crazy.

10 days until my east coast trip - as julia says, it's not like i'm counting or anything...long island visit - check, meeting with rosie and carole - check, the pearl birthday spa day booked - check, 30th birthday throw down in dc planned - check, tickets to see new moon with this fam - check, trying to see and do and fit in as much as I can including meeting baby miller reese, dinner with shelly, visiting lindsey - it will all happen + Thanksgiving!!

i took a class this morning on the iphoto program. learned so much and all day sat at my desk at work itching to get home so that i can play on my computer with all of my new tricks and short cuts. there is this really cool application called faces which matches people up ...i'll try not to geek out anymore. i am so thankful that yeas ago dad made me a cd of my old pictures and there are so many great memories.

we fell back this weekend (this will never get old!)

it's been a while since i was into a good book and i am now and i forgot how much i love that feeling. perhaps i can just read and blog and write and all will be right with the world.

honestly, i decided if i did something involving food or cards - that would make me very happy.

okay, need to get back to playing with iphoto...will this obsessive phase end any time soon?

my exciting friday night...

This week really flew by. We had our west coast sales summit on Monday/Tuesday at Cavello Point - just over the Golden Gate Bridge in Saulsalito. It was an army base that was recently re-done and now is a hotel/resort with ridiculous views of SF and the bridge. I was dreading it a bit but ended up enjoying myself. It was good to see everyone from LA and my room was so nice - complete with a fire place and walk in closet (how nice that would be to have instead of my crammed, hall, make-shift closet that is literally bursting at the seams). Tuesday - Jennie and I ventured to Yabbies on Polk for oysters - or two dozen. Wednesday - Christina and I made dinner at her house and hung out. Thursday - group of us went out for happy hour and to celebrate Iz's 30th and Jason's 25th birthdays. Enter my Friday... I was hungry, tired and thirsty from Thursday night's activities and the fact that I could have out-lasted Christina and Izabella which is extremely unusual. I've been wanting a computer for some time and decided that last night was going to be the big night. I ran some errands after work and then ventured down to the Apple store on Chestnut where I spent the my exciting Friday night. 2 hours and $1300 later, I walked out of the store with my NEW MAC laptop that I am such a huge fan of and passed many costumes on my way home so that I could play on my toy - and I did- for the next few hours in fact and needed to actually drag myself out of the house this morning so that I didn't continue to do so for the majority of today. To say that I have much to learn is a ridiculous understatement... I don't even know how to make this window bigger which is literally making me crazy and frustrated. But I am planning on taking some classes and figuring this thing out so that I can do all sorts of crazy things on it. I bought the word processing program and my plan is to start writing. What exactly, I am not 100% sure yet but I think that it will come to me. I also bought the warranty (3 years so look out) and the one to one sessions.

I've made it a personal goal to hit the gym every day until I leave to go home for Thanksgiving which is actually only two weeks from today. So far so good - I skipped last Saturday since Ang was here but otherwise have dragged myself there to get some cardio in. This morning I went to the gym and then took the yoga fusion class. Afterward, I met Harris and we had breakfast at Polkers and coffee and caught up.

So NYC, here I come! It's been years and I am so looking forward to seeing my Long Island family, Heather and Meredith.

Okay, I have to hop off or I will soon become one with this couch...and plan to get out for a bit and enjoy this day (or spend part of it drinking draft beer in a bar watching college football - same thing, right?) xoxo

a hodge podge

I have been up and down the west coast a good bit this past week. Last weekend, I ventured down to Orangel County to hang with Kenny, Christy and the boys. We went to Crystal Cove on Saturday and Sunday rented a Duffy boat and floated around Newport Harbor (I'm On a Boat!). It was a great weekend for sure. Tuesday I flew up to Seattle to have lunch with a client - just a quick day trip.
So I finally took the plunge and am now a zip car member (I know, I know - very city of me). The means that I get another card to shove in my wallet...but this one is almost magical. If I hold it in just the right position on the windshield of the car that I reserved online- POOF - doors unlock, keys inside and I am on my way.
Yesterday was my first experience with this and I must say, it was crazy convenient and easy and I imagine that I will partake again soon.
Angi arrived from Boulder on Friday night. Julia, Jennie, Angi and I had a few cocktails at Tonic and then ventured into North Beach for some heavy, delicious italian food and wine. It was a great group and fun night! Saturday AM, Angi and I hit the french place for breakfast and then bused over to the Ferry Building to check out the local vendors and organic, colorful, local food. We picked up an herb slab which is exactly what it sounds like and some mt tam cheese from cowgirl creamery and then pixked up the car, meet up with Christina and hit the road for Sonoma on such a glorious Saturday. I know I've probably said this a million and one times, but I really just love wine country and could spend every weekend among the vines. Viansa, Buena Vista and Gundlach Bundsuh - all amazing wine. We had dinner at Scoma's in Saulsalito before going to the Marin Headlinds for photo ops. I had never been here before and oh my! Some of the most gorgeous views of the bridge and sunsets...I can't even put it into words. Needless to say, we were exhausted from all of the fresh air, fabulous food and many many tastes.
Last week I received Angel cards in the mail from mom. These are beautiful, inspiration daily guidance cards that I already love. I choose Perfect Timing two days in a row --"Now is the perfect moment for you to act on your inspirations. The doors are open, while you walk through them with us by your side. Don't delay or procrastinate, as all of the ingredients are ripe for your success, Everything and everyone is on your side, supporting your positive outcome"
According to FindYourSpot, the city that suits me the best is San Diego. Interesting, huh? Rounding out the top 6 - Orange County, Little Rock, Honolulu, Las Vegas and Baltimore.

only in san francisco

Okay, okay... I really want to finish all about my Europe trip but I feel the need to address the here and now for a bit - so, I digress.
I always say what I truly love about this city is that you can have whatever you want whenever you want it (and let's face it, if you really want something bad enough, you should be able to have it without having to wait until the next day/week/what have you). Of course most of this relates to food- thai food at 2:30 am - done. A transvestite dance show to Brittany Spears with a nice 4 course meal - check. After a pretty stressful and fairly yucky week having to do mostly with fraud alerts from the bank and boy stuff, I decided to treat myself to a massage. This brillant plan did not pop into my head until about 5 pm...most spots that offer this service would be about closing - not in this city. I was able to get into tru at 6 pm for a 75 minute relaxation, full body massage...a really spectacluar way to start the weekend. Fleet Weekend - another thing unique to this town. The Blue Angels come to town every October to fly in perfect formation between buildings, over the bay and just above roof-tops. It's the perfect excuse to day drink outside with a bunch of people that you don't know that well :) I love that there are farmers markets almost every day of the week and that people find a way to recycle everything. I have never been anywhere else that you can walk down the street and be hit with the smell of weed that's so stong, it's as if you just inhaled yourself. I love that it puts on festivals like HSB which was last weekend in Golden Gate Park - hardly strictly bluegrass - and thousands of people of all ages, shapes and walk of life gravitated to the various stages to hear Robert Earl Keen and others. I think its hilarious that there are so many dogs and bikes and when you hear certain things about people that live here - you really just aren't too surprised and it's almost like it's the norm. Only in sf would something like this go down: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/matierandross/detail?entry_id=49176&tsp=1

Bari 16 09 09

Packing again... Alessansro picked Kristen and I up this morning and drove us to Naples (owe him big time). We arrived in Naples around noon, bought bus tickets to Bari (well, we actually didn't and we instructed not to talk, he take care of). We had lunch - pizza and soup - bought sunglasses which was one of the funniest transactions I've ever seen and said good-bye. After several hours, we arrived in Bari pretty clueless about how to kill the next few hours before boarding our over-night ferry to Dubrovnik. We were "Rick-less" and bogged down with our luggage. We bought over-night train tickets to Milan and ventured off in search of a place to eat/drink/be merry. Bari was much different than any where else we had been. Not as many people spoke English and people had warned us that it wasn't extremely safe. Our first stop was a cafe where we had iced coffee. We discovered that most trattoria's were closed but were determined to find somewhere... my back was hurting and we were getting ancy when we stumbled upon an intenet cafe that was very reasonable - the cost for an hour was the same as 15 minutes at our hotel. ps- I am not as good as I would like to be at doing math in my head and trying to convert euros and dollars and vice versa. We ended up at a McDonald's after updating our status'. People smoke everywhere - we are very much in the minority. Caught a cab to the port - our driver was so proud of his city and he pointed out the main down town area. We checked in and then waited in line to get though customs (not a highlight). It had been a loooong travel day at this point. Finally we got on the ferry and found our cabin - um, I could touch both walls. We did a quick loop around the ship, laughed at the disco and then took a sleeping pill, read and went to bed. The boat was noisy and we were in the back, bottom corner but I got used to it. A bit after 7 am, the alarm went off and I thought we could take our time getting off - apparently not. We were the last people on board! We hurried and got our stuff together and at least didn't have to wait in line...Croatia - we have arrived!

Positano 15 09 09

As I write, I am sitting out at our solarium which is on the 4th floor of our new little hotel. There are little boats in the water below, palm trees and colorful and white houses stacked up along the coast. We learned yesterday that there is no more development on the amalfi coast.

After dinner last night we ventured down the road to the beach to find somewhere for cocktails. The girls told me that I brought a whole new dynamic to the group (I am figuring it is a good one). It's actually worked out really well traveling with people that I don't know super well - I definitely won't be able to say that after next week - I have a feeling we will all know each other pretty well by then :) We found a club called MUSIC ON THE ROCKS which was pretty empty and had 12 euro vodka drinks but the music was good and we didnt know where anyone would be on a Monday night in a small (population 7,000) mostly couples resort town. At one point, a group of italian men came over and asked me if they could wash my feet (which were record gross from all of the running around). They bought us a round of drinks, Kristen did the thriller dance and we decided to hike home - literally - a taxi would have been over 20 euro. It was about a 15 minute walk up hill and we were all a sweaty mess by the time we arrived home around 2 am (no air conditioning). Over night there was a thunderstorm that was pretty cool.
We didn't leave our little place in paradise all day. We took pictures, read, ate lunch and lazed around the solarium all day. Kris and I spolit gnocchi, brushetta, proscutio and melon for lunch and I took a nap...after we got ready and ventured down to the main area, Kristen had a pair of shoes made and we all took a few shots at the glass with a bebe gun. It was hilarious. We dined at Bruno's and waited for Alessandro -who called because he couldnt find the place and I had to put him on the phone with our waiter. We had the most delicious dinner - seafood mix appetizer, shrimp in wine, calamari and caprese salad. Then we learned what a take away was : we won't soon forget it! We ended the night on our terrace drinking wine and chatting.

Amalfi Coast 14 09 09

I have not been sleeping great- jet lag, 4 of us in a room, lots going on...and I have no idea what time it is ever. This morning I woke up before the girls and headed down to breakfast. After I sat out by the pool and read for a bit before is started showering. The plan today was to be picked up by a driver for a private 8 hour tour of the Amalfi coast! Such a great idea of Jen's who wanted to treat us for Kristen and Stephanie's 30th birthdays. I attempted to start packing but was pretty tired from the previous evening festivities. We all crashed for about an hour after hearing the scenes of an italian restaurant story. Our driver was waiting for us and we piled into the mercedes van with all of our stuff and were ready to go. None of us were prepared for the crazy, windy roads and gorgeous scenes. We all got car sick and had to ask our poor driver to stop a bazillion times to change seats, get stuff out of the back, go to the bathroom, take pictures...it was ridiculous. Everywhere we looked we saw colorful houses carved into the coast, jaw dropping drops on the other side and cars coming towards us on the narrow one lane road. The first town that we stopped in was Amalfi. We had pizza in the plaza and then did some window shopping. It had started to rain by the time we left and headed to Ravello. Our stomachs had gotten used to the craziness (and we had all taken an herbal motion sickness pill which must have kicked in) by this point. When we arrived at the top of the mountain, it was pouring rain. We sat in the van for a while to kill time in hopes that it would pass...no such luck. The views were supposedly among the best of the coast so we decided to take our chances and make a run for it. We were all in long dresses and got absolutely drenched on our way up. We were screaming and laughing and noticed that people were standing in doorways cracking up at the sight thatwe were. Luckily, there was a coffee shop/bar and we ducked in for something warm to drink before braving the elements again. After a bit, the sun started to peak out. We ran outside to see the most amazing rainbow I have ever witnessed. It was so defined and long and we walked through a tunnel to try to get closer to it. The views from the location were worth the car sickness and rain - it was breath taking. We explored a bit more and then were off to Positano and our new hotel. I have never had to hike to get to somewhere that I am staying. Our driver dropped us off at the base of the hill and we walked up 5 flights of stone steps (110 +) to get to our place. It is so charming, romantic and quaint. We opened up a bottle of red wine before venturing out on the town. Champagne (free!), ravioli, brushetta and warm chocolate cake was on the menu...

Sorrento - 12 0 09

As I wanted to, I kept a journal while I was traveling. Here goes:
Well- I must say the past day and a half have been un-freaking-believeable. Flights were long but fine - I arrived into Rome with my luggage in tow and after much back and forth, sweating and determination, found the correct place to buy a ticket to Termini. I had printed out instructions how where I needed to be and how to get there. Once on the train, I made friends with a nice older couple that was also from California and a cute guy from Uraguay. We tried to communicate as best as we could - I understood that he was on his way to Salerno for a few months to help his brother's girlfriend open a bar. In Rome, he helped me figure out which ticket booth and platform and was very sweet to go out of his way for a stranger. It's people like him that make me want to do something crazy like up and move and try something unconventional for a while. It also makes me appreciate the kindness of others. He had an amazing accent and after 24 hours + of traveling was a breath of fresh air. I purchased my ticket to Naples (2 hours), spoke to Alessandro and Kristen and watched the scenery roll by while I relished in how much room I had compared to on the plane. A picked me up and drove me to my hotel in Sorrento. We stopped for Italian coffee (strong! basically just an espresso shot in a cute little cup that you drink at a walk up coffee bar) and to make pictures along the coast. We unloaded my stuff and met up with Kris. The hotel was right on the water and the girls were laying out on the deck. Alessandro and I drove into downtown to have lunch outside at this corner cafe - white wine, pasta, bread - yum. I ordered the better dish than he did and got a kick out of that. He dropped me off to meet the girls and headed back home for a few hours. Oh my! The view once I got off the elevator...basically it is at the bottom of a cliff, the girls were napping and it was so peaceful. Around 6 pm Italy time they headed to the market and I took a shower and we chilled for a bit before getting ready for our first night in Sorrento. I got to hear about Tuscany and all of the wine they had shipped back - we blew a fuse and laughed a lot. The hotel is beautiful and as I write this I am sitting on our patio facing a park and street with the sounds of scooters flying by (people drive crazy here!) We ventured down to the square - just a few blocks- putxed around and then ended up at a cheesy American kareoke bar called Danielle's with the promise of buy one get one free. Limencello was the drink of choice!Kristen sang Like a Prayer which was great. A met us around 10 pm and we were off to dinner at an adorable spot outside drooling at the thought of Napolitian pizza. A knew the guys at the restaurant and they sat us outside. One Italian guy and 4 American girls caused quite the stir! The table of sweet Scotish couples behind us were giving Amessandro thumbs up - it was hilarious. He gave us the insider's perspective and I loved seeing him in his element. He treated us which was very sweet. Steph wasnt feeling 100% so she headed back and the 4 of us ventured out for a cocktail after a delicious dinner. We neded up at this loungey spot down a side street that played great music - lady gaga,etc. I figured, when in Rome and somehow was able to rally. After the bar, we did some exploring in the city and then I crashed. The first alarm went off at 7:30 am and we threw ourselves together for the free breakfast buffett and then our ferry to Ishia. I cannot put into words how picturesque this island was. Things were a little hectic at first because we didn't really have a plan and the local taxi drivers were all over us. After hitting up a much needed bancomat for some euro, the day was perfect. We headed to Negumbo for the infamous mineral baths. If you EVER get the chance to go, do it. The place was like a dream - 20+ different baths, gorgeous pool, spa, beach, etc. We figured out what we def wanted to do, made massage appts for 3 pm, had amazing cappicino - and were off. The bath experience was super cool and so relaxing - well, some of them were, others were intense like the hot cold japaense style. Jen and I got in to a fit of hysterics while trying to complete our recommended 5 laps. Volcanic baths, thermal baths, figure 8, waterfalls hammering at your shoulders - amazing! We had lunch in the self serve (they don't know the meaning of a side salad) and headed to the beach for an hour or so before our appts. My massage was called envy of the gods and it certainly was that. I couldn't tell you the guy's name, but he had hands like butter and I was super relaxed - what a fabulous birthday present for Kristen. We left our disneyland for adults by cab to head to the port. Kristen somehow broke her sunglasses and flip flops which was pretty funny. We took pictures, had some gelato and soon headed back to Sorrento.

the end of Labor day weekend

Today was not very laborious at all...but I will start with yesterday (and yes, this post will have a lot to do with food and the new spots that I discovered in the past 24 hours!) I met the crew down in the Haight at The Pork Store - this place is ideal for breakfast. I will definitely be back with the heaping plate of hash browns, eggs, biscuits with gravy - oh yum. We hit up Ambiance after and both Christy and I had luck, then headed into Golden Gate Park to see some hippie hill as well as all of the other crazy stuff that goes on there. We took BART out to Concord to Mickey's for an afternoon bbq and it was fun to catch up and see everyone (it's been months). This morning I lazed around, went to the gym and then ventured down to the mission to meet Christina for lunch and see where the wind blew us. We found this adorable spot on Valencia and 17th - crepes, garlic fries and mimosas ...! We popped in a few stores after before hiking up to Zeitgeist. This place is unlike any other that I have been to -ever. Its a biker bar with hilarious plaques and bumper stickers. You walk outside and its a huge patio with picnic tables and the most interesting mix of people. I was in the minority not being tatooed. Several bloody marys and beers later and we spent most of the afternoon in the sun there, buzzed. After Christina had to go to the bathroom so bad, we ran into another random spot near the corner and bought a beer ...they used old bay there so I must go back! We went by Harry's for some more cocktails and apps and then headed to her house. I brought the back pack home with me and it is going to take some getting used to. I can fill it no problem but not knocking everything over and trying to carry the weight in my hips is going to be interesting. I am getting crazy excited! Saw pictures today of Sorrento and it's gorgeous! Tonight is not ending the way that I expected but instead with hot tea, golden girls and me trying to think of all that I need to do in the next 3 days before heading off...ciao for now

playing tour guide

Hanging out with nick this past week was tons of fun. we def ate and drank our way around this city and i discovered my fav iphone app (nope, don't have one yet but omg is this fun) - grinder! we went to the castro monnday and tuesday night and this was amazing people watching and scenes. he gave some really goood advice and perspective on the work stuff that i am dealing with and i've realized a big part of it is attitude and that i need to adjust mine. that all being said, work wasn't as horrible this week as i was anticipating. wednesday night we went to the irish bank for happy hour and then c came into the city and my tour was side-tracked and we ended up drinking outside at one of his friends spots in fisherman's wharf, seal watching and wining/dining at cinetta which is such an adorable little wine/pizza bar in north beach. thursday iz and i went out for a few drinks after work and caught up and friday the socal crew came into town. i met them after their alcratraz tour and we headed to scoma's (um-yum!) then to ghiradelli square, lombard street, the palace of fine arts and then my apartment - they were exhausted! after a few hours of chilling, we rallied and headed to north beach for wine and italian food. yesterday we did chinatown for lunch and shops and then a trolley ride and ended up at the ferry building for a bit. after, we headed to berkeley for the md/cal opener. oh my! jul was at henry's - i cannot believe that i haven't been here before! it was a blast - crowded and i met some fairly nice people but will def head back here for game days (whether i make it in for the game or not is another story). unfortunately, maryland lost pretty bad but we still had a great time. today we are in search of cupcakes (cakeity cake)...and headed out to the east bay to see the fam later this afternoon.
i got a good amount of packing done yesterday- leave in 5 days@! a might be there which would be interesting...kris flew out last week and said it's gorgeous and they are having a great time.

half moon and chrissy field

Yesterday I spent the morning at the gym- sweating sometimes makes me feel better. It was a hot day in the city. I came home, made myself a pretty phenominal breakfast and got ready for wherever the day would take me. Turns out Lamine and crew were in the Castro brunching so I bused to meet them. We ended up driving over to Ocean Beach and then down the 1 through Pacifica to Half Moon Bay. What a fun afternoon! We sat outside, soaking up the sun, drinking grazing on apps and catching up. After a few hours we headed back into the city and eventually at a party a few blocks from me. The place was incredible but it was kinda weird not knowing many people so we soon headed down to Polk Street (Bar Johnny) All in all, a great Saturday with people that I usually don't get to hang out with.
This morning I missed two buses - ugh. Well I actually only missed one, the other one I got so far as to knock on the door and the guy wouldn't let me in and waved ahead! I swear ...I don't get that. Chloe's 1st birthday party was today in Chrissy Field- it's amazing how quickly the past year has gone by. Iz had quite the spread and here family was in from the east coast. It was pretty cold and foggy but the view of the bridge and water was still pretty spectacular and we hung out there for most of the afternoon.
Tonight I am headed downtown to meet with with Kristen's BF Nick who is in town for the next few days. Not 100% sure what we are going to do yet but looking forward to catching up with him (and telling fall back stories).
Next week is Labor Day! It will be fun to have Ken, Christy and the boys in town. Only 7 work days left until my Eurpoean vacation. I hope that I am able to journal while I am away...ciao

bus people, basil and baths

I sometimes have an overwhelming urge when riding the muni to ask everyone questions. Where are they going? Coming from? What's their story? Why are they smiling so big? Maybe they just met someone that they will soon fall in love with. How do they want to spend their time? What is most important to them? What brought them to the city? What do they know that I don't yet? Where did they get that fabulous purse/belt/jacket? Yes, the bus in an interesting place indeed.
After months and months of wanting one - I finally bought a basil plant! This may not sound like a big deal but oh my do I love it. I am now trying to add basil to everything I can and love the way it makes the kitchen smell. Perhaps this is only the start of yummy herbs that could soon over take part of our apartment and give the wine bottles a run for their $.
I am longing for a bath. It just sounds so relaxing and like the perfect way to end a fairly stressful week. Monday after work I met Jess and her family at this Chinese restaurant (Eliza's) in part of the city that I hadn't yet been to (dogpatch). It was so wonderful to see her and catch up. Chase is a little cutie and when I pulled out my phone to take his picture he said: iphone -ha. Not quite but close.
Wednesday I received some news at work that was upsetting and disappointing and so I have spent the past few days trying to think about where I want to be and what my options are. I feel like I was blind-sighted by all of this political office crap...I've been pretty emotional about it - keep crying when I don't want to and hope that I can pull it together for next week. At least this year has helped to give me perspective and the bottom line is that work is work and whatever. That night I BARTed out to the East Bay. C picked me up and totally let me unload everything. We drove to Alameda and had dinner and then hung out. All of the work stuff was soon forgotten...it was my first time checking out the new car - and we only stalled twice :)
I discovered this crepe place like right around the corner from my office and plan to make it my new go to lunch spot.
DJ AM died today. Quite honestly, there is too much death everywhere. It makes me sad when people are gone before they are supposed to go.

bliss

the past month has been truly unbelievable. I flew home the very end of July to road trip down to the outer banks. Prepping for this was hilarious...dropping all 4 cars of Yuts and the note writing process, going to get gas all together, packing the xp with more snacks than we knew what to do with. Saturday I drove up to the mva since I had "lost" my license - had to wait a while but got a new and improved one (I am now a Frederick resident for all those wondering), went to hang with dad and Jo, got to have lunch with Kim and Kate in Frederick (so glad that this worked out, they make my heart light and we had a blast catching up, eating, drinking and window shopping), bought two bathing suits and a party dress at target (oh, how I miss this store. It's amazing how much damage I can do in such a short amount of time but they just have everything and it all calls to me...) We got up bright and early on Sunday to get to NC around lunch time. The next few days were awesome. We sat out in our beach and only worried about having enough sun screen on and where we were going to order dinner from. Mom, Paige, Kendall and I shared a room and got up each morning and sat out on the deck with coffee, chatting and watching the golfers. Ahhhhh....tis the life. We drove home on my birthday. That Saturday we headed up to Boordy vineyards for a shin dig. I must say- it was pretty perfect. We had several picnic tables in the shade, it was beautiful, great crowd, good food. It all went by so quickly and was so blissful. They asked us to leave around 5 pm when after a while we moved the party to the parking lot as we were not ready for it to be over. Mom, Rusty, Jaime, Craig, Kristen, Kara and I all went back to Canton to hang for a bit and then hit a few bars. It was a fabulous day and I felt so very loved and lucky. Sunday I drove down to see Jackson and stopped by Heather's to see her and Sienna and then made my way down to Tiff's for the kids birthday parties. They are precious and getting to big! Morgan is looking more and more like Tiffany if that is even possible and Carter is so close to walking - he held on to my hand and we covered some serious ground including the steps! For now, he is scooting away which is hilarious to watch. God, I love those kids. I worked that week - started getting these weird dizzy spells on Tuesday. Fast forward to this weekend... um, I don't even know what to say about it. Friday was low key, I made dinner, finally un-packed...woke up hours later to several text messages...Saturday was my perfect day. C and I had brunch at the french place on Union, I headed to my facial at 2 pm. We then went down to the Asian Art Museum. Okay, I hate to admit it, but it's the first time that I really did something like that in this gorgeous, culterally diverse city that I do fall more and more in love with each day(unless it's cold, and then I take that back). I need to do more of that. It was very cool. There was a food festival in the mission (um, hi, this is like my most favorite thing ever, if there would have been live music, forget about it - and they kinda did, if you count the guy playing the tuba with broccoli in it...) We putzed around in the mission and ended up at this amazing restaurant, then at Elbo Room. Enough for now, I have some cards to finish before I collapse into bed. Yesterday was Dad and Joanne's anniversary - 24 years!

timing...

really is everything. so much more than I had ever thought. i am not sure when i actually realized that but it was way too late for many things and made me sit back in awe of just how powerful it is and how different my life could be if it were not for timing...
enough about that, it's going to be an interesting week and i already cannot wait for it to start (um...hello...is it tuesday yet???could it be soon, please) i hate to wish any days away but i am so very much looking forward to tuesday evening that i can barely see straight.
this weekend was the kick off of kristen's 30th birthday celebration which started with a girls weekend in dewey beach. it sounded like they had a blast and i so wish that i could have been there with them for the sun, cocktails, grottos of it all!
i was in the mid-west this past week. spent a few days in detroit/birmingham, michigan for the amd summit and then was in illinois this weekend. chicago is a simply beautiful city that is so unique. the only other time i had been there was in 2005 for a quick baseball game with clients (when jma was living there during the week and we were givng the long distance thing a go). there was a very cool festival last night where rusted root played and that was so fun! i need much more live music in my life stat.
in two weeks we will be on our way down to the outer banks! i am very much looking forward to that - mom's new thing is that we need to rent an suv so that we can all drive down together.
i got to talk to ken on the phone tonight for quite a while - she is hilarious and precious and i love her so much it's crazy.
oregon is now on my list - people rave about this place and i need to check it out.
okay, it's closer to tuesday than when i started this post...!!!

"the good stuff"

- sunets over the golden gate bridge
- hearing Morgan say "aunt Kelly"
- when mom says i was just thinking about you - when i call
- country music (the title is a kenny chesney song that i love and hadn't heard for quite some time until this evening)
- the first sip of a glass of wine after work
- savasnana (yes, i totally had to look up the spelling)
- laughing so hard that you cry
- ground black pepper
- good sales
- kick-ass mascara
- an unexpected text message

The guy that cuts my hair is so interesting to watch (I finally got a few inches chopped off this afternoon). It is almost like he is dancing/perfoming some type of martial arts/perfecting a masterpiece/walking a runway. It is really something. I had an incredible Thursday night. Iz, Chloe and I ventured down to Chestnut Street after work to sip on some cocktails (aka loosen me up -ha), eat a bite, visit, people watch and run a few errands. C picked me up around 9 am and we headed to North Beach. I love clicking with someone and find him extremely interesting and fun. In a nutshell: tour, driver, 350 belgium beers, amante, rooftop, parking ticket, keys...oh my.
Maria (friend at work) won $12,874 last weekend playing poker in Reno - isn't that crazy? It was a bad beat apparently which even after hearing the story several times and having it broken down for me, I still don't 100% understand what it is and how it happened - but yay for her!
Meredith booked her trip out for August! I am so excited - it will be great to have her here. And I am happy to report that my Italia vacation is finally all set. Ticket is purchased thanks to Dad as of yesterday morning. I leave in 2 months from today - wowzers! I am excited to see all that transpires between now and then...

July 4th Weekend in LA

The 4th of July has come and gone - I couldn't decide how to spend it until the last minute...decided to head to the airport on Friday and fly down to LAX to hang with the Bickley's. I like airports. There is something about them, the people that are there with so many different stories, not knowing who you are going to run into or sit next to and what their deal is, the hustle and bustle, even the food options. I know - weird. Michele, Colin and Kianna picked me up from the airport and we drive right to this outdoor wine porch in Venice Beach. Huge fan of this spot. The rest of the weekend I got to hang out with all of them, Derek, Nicole, etc., eat amazing combinations and courses (like tuna on watermelon accompanied with ricotta stuffed squash blossoms - not joking!), hit up several farmer's markets[2] as well as make several runs to Ralph's for bottles of wine, soak up some much needed rays on Saturday on the beach, sing my heart out, dance during dinner, play with Kianna (who I hadn't seen since the week she got home from the hospital in February), drink vino, try to avoid the crazy cat, venture into West Hollywood at midnight in search of the perfect desert, play a crazy fun text game that we invented on Friday night and could notget enough of, listen to great - and often live-music and overall feel incredibly lucky.
On my way home today, I finished the book I was reading (Certain Girls - very good), decided to hit up a market in the mission (similar to Chinatown) and stopped and got an $8 manicure.
Next week at this time I will be in Detroit getting ready for our national AMD meeting. One month from today, I will be tunring 31 and hopefully out celebrating after driving back from the Outer Banks.
I missed both Christina's and Aimee's house-warming/4th of July parties this weekend. I wish that I could have been everywhere and hope that we have some adventures while in Michigan.
Lot of other stuff going on but too much to get into right now- let's just say that last week was a bit of a roller coaster on the boy front and at work...bring on this week!

vitamin therapy and escalators

It's Sunday night blog time for me after a pretty fantastic weekend...I am about to crash but wanted to share about my new vitamin regiment that I have been doing a pretty good job of sticking to and a few othere random thoughts before my exhaustion of running around fully sinks in. Ester-C, daily multi-vit for women, Psyllium and Fish Oil - I should be the most healthy person ever! We wil see...

I was on the never ending up escalator toinght at the Montgomery Street Bart and here was my deep thought...wait for it... when I looked too far up, I got dizzy and felt slightly over-whelmed, when I looked down/back, I felt that I hadn't gone to far but was a step closer each second. I was most content and comfortable when I focused only on the step or two ahead of me. To me this was a reminder that the past is the past, the future is ahead of me and and vast but it is most important for me to stay in tune with what is happening today and tomorrow and not next year or last year.
Speaking of years - it has now been 2 since I've moved to California. Two years! How things have changed and yet others have very much remained the same.
I went to the library and got several books on Italia! It's happenning come September and I can't even tell you how excited I am. I only wish that I could spend a few months exploring Europe and not have to rush back. I'm also going to try to learn a little Italian and finally book my flight this week. Dad aka travel agent extrordinare found a very reasonable flight to Rome for the days that I am thinking... stay tuned.
"Be Addicted to the things that lighten your load to thoughts that make smiles endless to perceptions that make all the beauty in the world visable from wherever you are. Be addicted to believing, to wholeness, to living your life the way it was meant to be lived"

Company hangover...

I always find myself in a bit of a slump those first few days following my people packing up and leaving my apartment after a fabulous few days. That's where I am now...it was hard to see Chrissy and Kendall leave yesterday morning. We really did fit a lot in since they arrived last Wednesday night including lots of walking up and down hills, Saulsalito, St Helena wineries, lots of amazing meals together and even ran into the crazy Meekee Meekee guy at the bus stop in North Beach on Sunday evening! I am not kidding... it seems like he is everywhere. I got some great pictures, Chrissy said when we were picnicking at V.Sattui that it was one of her most favorite days and I think that Ken is trying to figure out if she can squeeze in another west coast visit before she goes back to school! Now it's bad to the gym - I am sure it missed me like crazy - back to eating fairly normal, back to saving (i've been doing an okay job of this lately), back to the swing of things. This week should be fairly low key which will be a nice change of pace but I am already itching to get something on my vacation calendar!
I had a great few days back east a week and a half ago. Got to celebrate Father's Day a week early, host a babies pool party at Chrissy's - and definitely came back reminding myself of how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do. I wish that there were more hours in the day for me to visit, more opportunities to just sit and talk over coffee or a glass of wine, more opportunities to have so many people that I love in one place and just soaking each other in.
Confession: last night I sat on my couch and flipped between Jon and Kate +8 and The Bachelorette and then was just disgusted with myself after... really?

2 in one day

I guess I am feeling guilty for only posting once in May...and I forgot to mention a few things earlier with all of my rambling. I had the sweetest cab driver last night. He picked me up after a fairly eventful and out of the norm night at Plough and the Stars (or is it in the Stars?) anyway - he said to me you are beautiful you know that. I may be old but I can appreciate beauty. Or something like that. I was touched. It reminded me that sometimes you just have to say what is on your mind- it could make someone's day or you could regret not saying it.
And how crazy is this? Kyle came into the city today and we walked through Chinatown and North Beach. We ended up at this Italian restaurant that I hadn't been to before. It certainly wasn't anything to write home about but I ordered a glass of wine and was carded. The waitress got all excited when she saw my MD license (yes, I still have this. Actually it is expiring the summer thank goodness so I get a new picture soon!) It turns out that she lives in Ocean City last summer and loved it. She worked at Harpoon Hanna's - what a small world!

wedding weekends and staying in bed on sunday

The last two weekends I was able to go to two very different weddings. They were both beautiful and made me do a lot of thinking. Lauren and Dave were married in Carmel by the Sea at The Holly Farm over Memorial Day weekend. They are now honeymooning in Greece which sounds so amazing! The venue was unlike any place that I had been - almost like a mix between Seacrets with being in the sand and little hidden bars and each area being so much different than the next and a farm - hard to explain. It was very cool to be a part of this. I'm really lucky to have made some good friends through work and have enjoyed getting to know Dave and his family. The speeches were emotional since Dave's dad passed away just a few months ago but it was wonderful to see everyone so joyous since it was such a happy occasion. Christina and I went to brunch in Carmel on both Sunday and Monday mornings - um yum. We found out that there aren't house numbers and it is illegal to wear heels - ha.
Last weekend I flew down to Santa Ana to visit with Kenny, Christy and the boys. When I booked my flight, we didn't realize it was going to be such a big weekend. Kenny and Christy were married in the Catholic church on Friday evening. We went straight from the airport to the ceremony and I even got to do a wedding. It was really cool to have been a part of their previous wedding on the beach 14 years ago and then see them now years later saying their vows all over again. We went to an awesome restaurant overlooking LA for a celebration dinner after. On Saturday we decided to drive to Palm Springs - probably one of the hottest places I have ever been. We ate, explored and ended up crashing a hotel pool since it was 108. I'm looking forward to going down there again later this summer. As much as I do love SF, there is something to be said about SoCal. It's more laid-back, you can hit up the beach practically year round, etc.
I found out this morning the my phone automatically erases messages. I am pretty sad about this. I had two great messages from JMA saved that I haven't heard for a really long time and wanted to when I was laying in bed this morning (still am actually). The one was when we realized that the super bowl was the weekend that I would be visiting him and he was trying to talk through what would happen if the Ravens made it and he had the chance to go while I was there. I can't remember what the other one said but I know it was comforting and made me feel so much and I am pissed that I haven't heard it in a while. I want to grasp on to things. It's really so not fair and I can't help it, I think of Florida differently and think it will be quite some time before I am able to go/change that.
Chrissy and Kendall are coming out in a week and a half! I am really looking forward to it. I don't think that Chrissy has ever been to the west coast - and hopefuly she will love it! I am planning what we are going to do for those 5 days.
It could be an interesting summer with M living in Berkeley, B supposedly coming out in July and my pending Europe trip or whatever. A and I haven't actually spoken in weeks because he is in Europe now with no connection. That's been kinda hard - we shall see.
Work has been especially draining lately. There are never enough hours in the day for me to get all that I need to done and I literally woke up on Tuesday feeling like it had to be the weekend already because Monday was so long. I'm hoping that there is light at the end of the tunnel but thinking that it's just where we are right now and me trying to be a better manager. I need to make certain that I am keeping things in perspective though. It's not about work really - even though I feel like not everyone in my group always feels that way - it's about everything else. I want to go to NC with the fam this summer and sit on the beach and only worry about having enough sunscreen on and what we are going to do for dinner. I want to be able to go away and explore other countries for weeks and not think about what is going on at the office. I want to spend more time with people that I love on the east coast without it being a big deal. To this end. I am really trying to save more $ so that I can do these things.
Alright, I need to get out of bed and get on with my day. The Union Street festival is this weekend. I went for just a little while yesterday but can hear the music from my bedroom. Today I am hitting the gym, running errands and lunching. Cleaning and everything else that I have been avoiding this week will probably need to get done as well. I am headed to Dulles on Wednesday - bright and early, changing planes in LA and with middle seats on United both ways, ha -for a training on Thursday and get to see the fam this weekend!
Ciao

Confessions #1, 2 and 3

I cannot remember not doing it. I can't help it. Whenever I am in someone's bathroom, I have to look in the medicine cabinet - isn't that ridiculous? I think it says SO MUCH though and have (in my day) found very interesting things that has led to many questions and revelations.
Enough about that, this year is flying by. I cannot believe that it's been over a month since I have blogged. Yesterday was Kendall's 19th birthday - 19, how did that happen? In so many ways, I feel like I am still 19 and she is just a little girl with gorgeous red ringlets.
I am itching to go abroad. I literally would like nothing more than to take a few months off and go see places of the world that I haven't yet been. I am feeling rather confined and boxed in and want to do something about that.
I don't feel like myself unless my phone battery is fully charged, I have lip gloss on and stamps in my wallet - I know, weird, right?
I usually write down things that I've already done just so that I can cross them off.
I used to be so good at birthdays and never forget one, it's not so much like that anymore.
I am afraid that I will forget what people that I love sounded like, felt like, smelled like.
I had a thing with never coloring my hair before I was 30 - I'm 30 - now what? I want to be a red head forever.
I love cooking but can never time everything and always make a mess.
I wish that I was bilingual.
I am not a fan of Las Vegas.
I have a hard time taking deep breaths when told to - especially when doing yoga.
I could read recipes all day.
I feel naked without earrings and a watch.
My body is not perfect but I love it.
I used to think it was weird if people talked thread count - now I totally get it.
I can't drink caffiene after Noon.
I am a phenominal procrastinator.
I take things in before reacting typically. Some people mis-read this but shouldn't.
I love champagne and oysters.

Easter Sunday

Another weekend has rushed by and I can't help wondering where it went and why I can't work 4 day weeks...that would just be ideal. I spent the day out in the East Bay - took the BART out tihs morning and went to brunch with Julia, her parents and their group of friends at this fun Mexican spot in downtown Concord. Nothing says Easter morning like bloody marys, chips and salsa and burritos - ha! Uncle Bud picked me up and then we went over to Mickey's for the afternoon. It was great to see everyone, eat and visit. Now I am pretty much exhausted, planted on the couch catching bits and pieces of The Sound of Music (I forgot how truly wonderful this movie is)
I booked a trip back east for the beginning of May. I am so looking forward to it - I am craving being around my sisters, mom, dad, Joanne, Chrissy, Morgan, Carter and the whole crew.
Work has been fairly annoying and a bit ridiculous lately.
I think we are going to start a book club- I am such a dork but am way looking forward to this.
I received a package in the mail from Rosie last week. I couldn't open it right away... I don't know why but the box just sat in my room for days until yesterday afternoon when I opened it on the kitchen floor. It is Jon's black lady Jesus framed picture. I was hoping that it would smell like him as ridiculous as that sounds. Easter was always a special time of year for us (especially considering he didn't believe in it). He would laugh about rabbits laying eggs and I think it was around Easter 2005 when our relationshipg started getting pretty serious. The moon woke me last night - it was so bright and shining right in my room. I will always think of JMA when I see it.
Okay, I must think about falling into bed soon.
"Live your Life"

what a weekend!

today was the type of day that just begs you to be outside - it doesn't matter what you may have to do, the sun in shining, it is truly glorious out - hot by SF standards...I should be finishing up my yoga class right now but due to 1) me being not so graceful and 2) horrible with knives, my left hand is throbbing and I know that my downward facing dog would suffer. well, that and the fact that Izabella and I treated ourselves to mani/pedis this afternoon and I cut it a little too close timing wise. So instead, I am posting my first April 2009 blog, listening to my new favorite song (go figure, it's italian- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcrfvP11Hbo), thinking what I am going to make for dinner (it's probably going to be baked veggies - carrots and zuchini and falafel with froyo for desert) and how to spend the rest of this gorgeous day...
yesterday was a marathon day and really SO much fun. I got up and went to the gym, then Iz and I grabbed lattes and headed to Costco. This makes me feel very grown up -which I guess is okay since I am 30.5 -ha. We got some really good stuff. While I was there HB called and asked if I was flexible with our plans. She was in town this weekend for a bachelorette party and we had planned on meeting up for lunch Saturday - I made reservations at this newish place that I have been wanting to try. I knew she had something up her sleeve but figured what the heck - she told me to meet her at a certain address and to dress flowy/comfy. I came home changed and then met her and the girls basically down the street for this crazy class - I will leave it at that...when it was over, she and I walked all of the way to the ferry building. It was so good to have her here and we had much to catch up on. We've both been in similar places that past few months questioning a lot of things and very effected by Jon's death - she had the opportunity to see him just a few days before he died at Jason's service and said that he was so excited about seeing me soon. We had wine and the hours literally flew by. After La Mar (which I loved), we ventured to North Beach and continued our feasting, pouring our hearts out, enjoying SF and cocktails. I really miss the days that we got to see each other more and need to make more of an effort to get to NY. Alessandro's birthday was on Friday- he called me from Florida and we only were able to talk for a few minutes but I kept hearing Italian music in the background and it was making me miss the cruise even that much more. When I got home yesterday, he had sent me the song :) Christina picked me up soon after and we went to her place in the Presidio for her roommate's game night birthday party. We seriously played Cranium, Pictionary, Apples to Apples and Taboo - hilarious. I was exhausted though after day drinking and all the excitement of the day. Today I stayed in bed as long as I possibly could - drinking tea, talking on the phone, on the computer, reading - it was so nice. Chloe, Izabella and I headed down to Union Square where we definitely did some damage at Macy's - I am supposend to be saving money and owe in taxes this year (ugh, but not a big surprise) but it's nice to treat yourself.

I need to look up more

One of the things about moving away from what you have grown up with and been surrounded around is noticing all of the cool things in your new part of the world. Recently I feel like I am taking my backdrop for granted and do not want that to be the case. I need to do a better job of stepping back and taking it all in, of looking up and seeing new buildings that I haven't noticed before and all of that jazz. So I am going to appreciate even more this gorgeous city, the views, what I see when I look out my bedroom window, the fact that I am living in people's favorite city -- and all that it has to offer.
Food shopping. I know that this is random, but really food and pretty much everything that goes along with it (minus the clean up part of course) is really way too much fun. I love going to the grocery store - could do it almost everyday. I love cooking. I love when I make something and it turns out fabulous. I love recipes and food magazines. I love people that love food. Just had to gush about food for a bit.
I miss my friends from home. There is so much going on in their everyday life that I don't know about because we don't get to talk as often.
Spring has sprung - April is just around the corner. I wonder what this new season will being and even more so, this summer...!

cute clip and jeesh

http://smilebox.com/playEmail/4e7a4d354e7a49354f5877784e6a4d344e5455314d673d3d0d0a&sb=1

Check out this link! Kristen made this for me while I was on my cruise and I have watched is again several times tonight- it makes me feel so good. Love the music, love the photos, love pretty much everything about it.

I have not been good about writing regularly and that stinks. Let's see- last weekend I went up to Petaluma. What an adorable town! I absolutely loved it- gorgeous country. Christina and I did some wine tasting on Sunday - Buena Vista, Sebastiani and then Mary's Pizza Shack on Sonoma Square. Work was crazy but not too bad this week. I am itching to get somewhere... I need to plan some trips, come up with something. Julia's birthday was this week. After having a few beers on Tuesday for Saint Patrick's Day (including my first Guiness), I met Jul and crew at Harrington's to continue celebrating. Wednesday night Christina and I went to Solstice on Divis for some cocktails and then went and had fabulous Chinese food. Last night Iz and I walked home from work (we are averaging one night a week and it takes about 40 minutes or so if we don't stop for drinks...ha), then we went to Notte -I heart that place - and I went over to her place after for dinner and to play with Chloe who has gotten so big!
Tonight I am rather enjoying my economic crisis red wine, my laptop and soon to be my #4 Twilight book/Breaking Dawn.

Life goes On

6 years ago yesterday, my mom-mom died. February has always been a tough month. I'll never forget the last day that I had with her and the things that she said to me. She had such a way of keeping perspective, she was so funny and smart - and way stylish. I miss her but am thankful that she left the legacy that she did.

One month ago, Jon died. I still expect him to call at any minute. I cannot believe that the world lost someone so dynamic, with a heart of gold. I am afraid that I will forget things about him, about us, about time that we spent together and conversations that we had. I am lucky (and I know this) that he let me in, that we had what we did, that he loved me, that our paths crossed and I was able to learn as much as I was about myself, relationships, the world - because of him. I have regrets - I wish that some things had been different, I wish that I would have gone to his brother's wedding with him and called instead of emailed that weekend...I could go on but I know that I can't live in the past or imagine what if... he knew that I loved him and that is what matters.

I know that life goes on, but sometimes, I can't really believe this or get angry that people get upset about such silly things. But life does go on -> the sun will rise and set just the same as before.

Native American Prayer
I give you this one thought to keep
I am with you
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am a diamond glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not think of me as gone
I am with you still in each new dawn

the cruise - continued

people have asked me what my favorite port was and I can't really say. They were all so different. I did love the Sloth sanctuary in Costa Rica and would love to go back to see more there. The Panama Canal was amazing - and I usually don't get too excited about stuff like that. Dad and I just did our own taxi tour in Cartegena and got to see some great views, forts and the old city where I could spend a lot of time. Cayo in the Dominican was fun because Alessandro took the day off and we tendered in the rain over to the island and got to hang out. We drank pina coladas out of pineapples, ate grilled lobster on the beach and generally tried to stay dry and soak up as much of each other as we could. I got some great pictures. There were a lot of funny moments like the whole risotto debate, wanting to take whatever was free, security being called on dad when we were trying to get off the ship, "Dave", dad taking pictures of the horrible shoes, um- me being reported missing one evening when I was out too late, drama, ...etc. Before I knew it it was our last night and it was harder to leave than I ever thought it would be because of A and how much fun we had. He told me his heart hurt when we were sitting in the back of deck 7 Wednesday night. We exchanged email/numbers and he gave me the formal photos of us (when we "make picture") with a sweet note and a promise to call in a few days - ciao.
So I've been back on the west coast for about two weeks. It has been hard being away from everyone and work has been less than thrilling. So many changes...my mind spins thinking about them all.
Alessandro calls every chance he gets. When he is in Florida, I get to talk to him sometimes twice! He calls me tesoro which means treasure and we may try to see each other this summer depending on life and what may or may not happen between now and then.

the cruise

My cruise was truly amazing! It was so nice to spend an extended period of time with Dad and Bubi. They were so great to me- listened whenever I needed to talk about Jon, let me have space if I just had to go be sad, didn't make comments about the sleeping pills that I needed to take the first few nights so I would just stop thinking what if and about what might have been... I couldn't have asked for better travel companions during such a hard time.
I missed the serivce - Mom, Kristen, Kara, Brian and Kendall went and I was so grateful about that. I think that Jon would have wanted me to be away on vacation with my family.
The ports that we stopped in were amazing - Costa Rica, Panama, Cartegea, Columbia and the DR. I hadn't been to any of them before- our first stop was Cozumel which I have been to but heart Mexico so it was cool to go back.
We ate very well and often. I sat out by the pool and read every chance that I got. I spent a lot of time in the steam room, had two massages, took a few stretching and aerobics classics.
I also met someone...this was very - unexpected. I noticed whenever I was in the dining room there was always this guy that stared at me. Wednesday night, he asked me to meet him in the disco. I didn't. The next night he told me that I didn't show up and asked me to meet him when he got off work. I did - he had a bottle of italian red wine and two wine glasses. We sat outside in the back of the ship and talked for hours. His name is Alessandro - he is from Naples, speaks 5 languages and just says whatever he is feeling which is so nice. Every night he told me about his day - always relating back to me and when he saw me, what he thought. He also tried very hard to teach me some Italian - I didn't retain as much of it as I would have liked but I loved how he sounded when he said it... more later

saying goodbye

I am back after three weeks of mourning, remembering, crying, lots of huges, so many calls and emails and thinking of you notes that mean so much to me. I spent Wednesday, Thursday and Friday resting, running around a bit, being with people that let me talk about Jon over and over again and trying to make sense of the sad direction that everything went so suddenly. I was - and still am- mad that we didn't get that weekend together to do all of the things we planned and just be around each other for the first time in months. I am mad at myself for many things but have realized that I need to forgive and stop asking why and what if and take our relationship and what we had and put it somewhere safe and always tap into the love that we had for each other. I went by his mom's house twice before I finally heard from them - they arrived home from Florida Friday night and said that I could come by Saturday afternoon after they met with the Rabbi. Saturday there was a get together at MaGerk's during the day - Kristen met me there. Brad, Andie, Marianne, Casey, John, Paul, Treon, Jamie, Rich, Suzy, Kara, Brian, Max were all there to be around one another and remember Jon. l left from there to head up to his family's house. I was nervous but glad to finally get to see them after the hell they had been through the past week - I can't imagine.

I lost it when I walked into that house where he and I had only been together. His brother answered the door and hugged me so tight. His mom, his dad, his aunt, his sisters-in-law...it made me feel good to be around them as they remind me so much of him at times and was also hard. I know that they love me, recognize how special Jon and I were to each other and how much he loved me - they told me that and also said that they wished things had been different with us and that we would have gotten married. This is of course a compliment and yet also hurt at the same time. I spent 6 hours there that day and drove to Kara and Brian's that night. We were supposed to go to a tribute jam session that some of Jon's friends were doing that night, but I just didn't feel up to it. Kara and Brian were so great. They just listened and let me cry and we talked and I don't know what I would do without them. I learned that the service was set for Monday at 3 pm. Jon's mom invited me back on Sunday and to the private viewing on Sunday night. It was hard for me to decide what to d0 - but in the end, I felt that since I was able to spend so much time with the family over the weekend, I didn't have to go to the service. I could say my goodbye on Sunday night and then fly to Florida with Dad and Bubi on Monday morning. I ran around a bit on Sunday- got my feet done, met Meredith and Jaime for tea and headed up to Eldersburg to see mom and Chrissy. I changed and headed to Pikesville around 3:30 pm. We visited for a while (Willie had been there earlier to replace their toilet). I found it ironic that it was super bowl sunday and remembered the last time the Steelers were in the super bowl, he and I watched on his couch - just the two of us - and ordered food. We had dinner together - I guess it was the start of the shiva - Diane was there - I hadn't seen her since Uncle David's service.

Some people decided not to go to Sol Levinson. I drove with Gwidyon, Maura (who I connected with instantly, she is such a doll) and Sophia. Jon's mom decided not to go - she didn't want to see him that way. When we got there there were a few people there including Missy. We went into the back room and they asked that just family stay - I was included and so touched by that. After a while they opened the casket. I would be lying if I didn't say it was shocking - to see my baby lying there. I can't really explain the emotions and the heart ache. I was able to put a Valentine's day card in the casket, also there was a picture that Solana had made for him, a comic book and locks of his parents hair. He had on the orange shirt that he loved and that I have pictures of him in. It was hard to leave him.

sad day

My beloved died today.
I heard horrible news this morning and then -somehow, the day went on and hours ticked by and just after noon Doug and Mike approached me figuring that I already knew... I didn't. I am trying so hard to remember all of the memories I have of him. How we fought what we felt for so long, how we could talk for hours, what it was like to just be around him, how nothing else really mattered, how much he taught me about life, love, food, wine, myself. I just can't imagine this world without him - his smile, his embrace, his voice, his perspective, his love, his funny little crazy things, his passion, his intelligence...just everything about him. I have two messages saved on voicemail from him - I am thankful for that. I am so glad that God put him in my life.
I am at the airport flying home. I need to be with my family (and they are anxious for me to be home) and I need to see his family and be around them.
I don't know how to say goodbye to you my dear and so I will say thank you and you will always be in my heart.

ouch

I can't even try to explain how I am feeling right now - I feel nothing and everything so strongly and at the same time that it is just unreal. I learned this morning that Jon is in the hospital. Friends found him at his home last night and he has been on life support since then. I dont think that it can be real. This is the same person that I was supposed to spend this coming weekend with and sent me all of the things that he wanted us to do together, the same person who loves me so unconditionally it sometimes hurts, he was so easily able to command a room and make you feel like a million + bucks, he has the best smile and we spoke our own language. His family is there with him - Gwidyon was nice enough to call me earlier and let me know. I changed my flight from Friday night to Wednesday morning so I can be near him and be supportive of his family. I just don't even know what to do or say. Jon, you mean so many things to so many people that love you and you have so much more living left to do. Please pull through this, T, please. My prayers are of you.

Off day...

This past weekend was great! Lauren invited me to Tahoe (Northstar) with her family -we left Friday after work and woke up Saturday morning at the base of the mountain to gorgeous sights and the sound of people chugging along in all of their snow gear. We drove to the Lake so I could take some photos and hiked a bit along the water which - and I am not kidding - was turquoise blue in parts like the Carribean. I couldn't believe it! We had lunch at Garwoods and lazed around in the afternoon (I totally fell asleep after the "woody" on the couch while the CAL/ Stanford basketball game was on - whooops. That night we went across the hall for dinner and played Apples to Apples. Sunday we decided to go up the mountain and do some snow shoeing. It was really fun! When we go to this little picnic area we sat and drank beer and had a picnic lunch before heading back down to the lodge. Then we hit the hot tub and the bar to watch the Raven's game (they lost to the Steelers....booooo). Lauren and I went to the sushi spot for dinner, many drinks and back to the place to watch movies and hang out. We hit the road yesterday after first stopping in Truckee -loved it.
Today I've been feeling off. I don't really know whats wrong with me. I should be happy just having come off of a long, relaxing weekend. I did hear that a collegue of mine - someone that I was never close to but Jon, Heather and others were - died rather suddenly yesterday. This made me sad to think that someone pretty much my age is no longer able to go about his normal life and has left so many people mourning his loss.