Life goes On

6 years ago yesterday, my mom-mom died. February has always been a tough month. I'll never forget the last day that I had with her and the things that she said to me. She had such a way of keeping perspective, she was so funny and smart - and way stylish. I miss her but am thankful that she left the legacy that she did.

One month ago, Jon died. I still expect him to call at any minute. I cannot believe that the world lost someone so dynamic, with a heart of gold. I am afraid that I will forget things about him, about us, about time that we spent together and conversations that we had. I am lucky (and I know this) that he let me in, that we had what we did, that he loved me, that our paths crossed and I was able to learn as much as I was about myself, relationships, the world - because of him. I have regrets - I wish that some things had been different, I wish that I would have gone to his brother's wedding with him and called instead of emailed that weekend...I could go on but I know that I can't live in the past or imagine what if... he knew that I loved him and that is what matters.

I know that life goes on, but sometimes, I can't really believe this or get angry that people get upset about such silly things. But life does go on -> the sun will rise and set just the same as before.

Native American Prayer
I give you this one thought to keep
I am with you
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am a diamond glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not think of me as gone
I am with you still in each new dawn