Kyle has arrived!

I've been a mom just over a week now. Its amazing. I can't imagine not having this little guy in my life. I loved him before he was in my arms but now that he's here the unconditional love that I feel is surreal.   He is such the perfect combination of Dan and I and continues to rock my world every hour of every day. Kyle Waters Kerr was born February 20th, 2015 at 7:59 pm, 8.78 pounds of perfection and 21 inches long. There are things that I can't remember from that night and things that I will never forget. I was a constant flow of tears when I first heard him cry and when I saw him in Dan's arms. His hair was reddish blonde and his lungs were strong. Apparently, the doctors had to use fore-ceps to get him out and said he was swimming away because of all of the fluid. He seemed to settle down quickly once I was able to finally hold him. Mom, Dad, Joanne, Kara and Tiffany were all in the waiting room and heard the chimes ring announcing his arrival in to the world. I got to see each of them before surgery and then they were able to come back two at a time to marvel at this perfect little boy and all of his features. Everyone was glowing and thrilled that he was finally here. After spending several hours in recovery, we were moved in to our mother and baby room and settled in for our first night together as a family of 3. I kept waking and staring at him, watching him sleep and listening to his little sounds. Unbelievable.
Since I did have a cesarean, we stayed 4 nights in the hospital. I expected that I would want to go home sooner but it was nice to be under the care of the nurses and know that we was well tended to. There were some additional scans and testing that the urologist had to do before referring us to Hopkins. We have an appointment on Monday morning to see what next steps are and where to go from here. Poor little lovie had been through a lot his first few days. We brought him home Tuesday afternoon. Of course, it was freezing outside but we survived. And the other day, in the snow, we went to Kyle's first pediatrician appointment. The doctor said we are doing a great job - and I wanted to kiss her. I question more than I expected to. Am I doing this right? Will he be okay if? I've been around kids all of my life and taken care of plenty and yet still I wonder and hope and second guess. Whew - this motherhood thing! It has taken me by storm and encompassed all that I am. I feel so very lucky xoxo

Birth day!

It is certainly the coldest day of the year - and in fact, I heard the coldest day that Baltimore has seen since 1896- that our little boy will be making his debut. My heat is full, my tears are over-floweth and my stomach is rumbling in anticipation of all that will be later today. Dan and I went to Fork and Wrench last night for dinner. I was afraid that my mind wasn't going to let me sleep but thankfully, that was not the case. And now today is here ... 2/20/15- a great day to be born! So we are trying to get stuff crossed off my list and pack everything and get everything in order. In just about an hour and a half we will start our journey - the anticipation is astonishing! Little love is almost here!

I love you tomorrow

you are only a day away!
Our game plan is in place and this time tomorrow we will hopefully have our little boy in our arms! I can hardly believe it. I am so torn on whether to be up and doing all of the things that need to be done or resting on this heating pad on my couch...The doctors appointments went well today.  I heard his, nice strong heartbeat for about 30 minutes when I was plugged in (averaging around 144). Mom met me there and we soon went back for a sonogram where we got a few good profile shots. My fluid levels remained the same pretty much week over week so I was dismissed. Across the street was where all of the good stuff happened. I was measuring big(ger) at around 44 and after checking things out (I will spare you, dear blog reader the details) the doctor highly recommended a c section.  Of course, I am fine with whatever they think is best for me and baby. All signs seemed to be pointing in this direction and so who am I to fight it? He asked when I wanted to schedule the surgery and we crossed our fingers and said tomorrow. They went to see if there was availability for Friday, February 20th - my baby's birthday! Dr. Duke will be performing the cesarean tomorrow afternoon at 3:30 pm. What a relief! I cried tears of joy just knowing that this will be happening and that he will be here so very soon. Also, I don't need to worry about where I will be when my water breaks, the ride to the hospital, the first timers questions, timing contractions, the waiting, the possibility of going in to labor and then having to have a c section (which just sounds like a nightmare to me). I called Dan from the exam room and asked if he wanted to have a baby tomorrow with tears running down my face. I honestly don't know if I've heard him sound so thrilled. I could hear the smile take up his whole face. He told me that is the best news he could have gotten and I can't agree more.

Lyrics to Mom

Little baby told God, hey I'm kind of scared.
Don't really know if I want to go down there.
From here it looks like a little blue ball
That's a great big place and I'm so small.

Why can't I just, stay here with you?
Did I make you mad, don't you want me too?
God said oh child, of course I do
But there's somebody special waiting for you

So hush now baby, don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender, tough and strong
It's almost time to go and meet your mom.

You'll never have a better friend
Or a warmer touch to tuck you in
She'll kiss your bruises, your bumps and scrapes
And anytime you hurt
Her heart's gonna break

So hush now baby, don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender, tough and strong
It's almost time to go and meet your mom.

And when she's talking to you make sure you listen close
'Cause she's gonna teach you everything you'll ever need to know
Like how to mind your manners, to love and laugh and dream
She'll put you on the path that bring you back to me

So, hush now little baby, don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender, tough and strong
Come on child it's time, to meet your mom

 

We're up!

39 weeks today... so hard to believe. I remember when my stomach was still flat and I would feel it and wonder what was going on in there knowing that a little life was developing. Now it is the first thing people see, so round and basket-bally and hard. Now my stomach draws them in. They hold doors, smile, ask questions - are so nice to me. The other day I received a side of pickles with my soup - just because I am pregnant. And you know what - they were delicious and probably would have been even if I wasn't expecting.
 It's not going to be too much longer; maybe a week or so. Jitka had her little Lucas a few months ago over in the Czech Republic and is relishing in mommyhood.  Georgia just had adorable little Chloe just a few days ago - both with due dates just before ours and now its our turn. We are up. Of course there are still a million and one things that I could be doing but for now I am trying to memorize the feeling of him inside of me. Of the movements that make me look around to see if the whole room feels the same thing. Of Dan's hand on my stomach getting to feel his kicking and hiccups.
So Thursday will be here in just about 48 hours - and we will figure out our game plan and all of these months of preparing and wondering will be here, finally. Stay tuned

the waiting game

And so now....we wait. Not knowing when things are going to happen, what that will all look like and how it will all go. We are supposed to get some crazy snow storms this week so that could add an interesting element to everything. We have his laundry done, our bags are pretty much packed, we've memorized the route to the hospital. I wonder at every movement. We are counting days and no longer weeks. For so long the end of February seemed so far off and now it is really just around the corner. The appointments went well with the doctors this week. My fluid levels were about the same as they were the previous week (so no cause for concern), the baby was moving his hands and feet a good bit and called feisty and cooperative by the technician. I was hooked up to a monitor for about 30 minutes so they could monitor his heart rate and then went back for a sonogram. Not quite the drama of last week which was fine by me. At my OB appointment, the doctor said that his stomach is measuring bigger than his head which they call a football baby. She also said that we would make a game plan next week when I am there and then 39 weeks! It seemed like such a great idea at the time but now Thursday seems so far away. I know that the longer he stays in, the better and that I've made it this far so I can certainly make it another week or so. I am relishing in the movements and the feelings that I am experiencing now his rolls and kicks (mostly in my ribs) and hiccups that will all be much different once he is on the outside. I get teary eyed and emotional very easily and look forward to having him in my arms and being able to look in to his eyes and kiss his sweet cheeks.
Yesterday Meredith came over in the morning for coffee and pastries (parking ticket worthy ones apparently). I was looking forward to seeing the girls and getting to meet Caitlyn but they were both a bit under the weather and it was nice to catch up with her. She's busy and balancing and such a good friend. Dan and I had our very last class at the hospital - nothing says Valentine's Day like a nursing class in an auditorium with a bunch of other expectant couples. Afterwards, we headed to Mount Washington Tavern before dinner at Ethel's Creole Kitchen - it was delicious! We ended our night with silk chocolate cake on our couch, cards and House of Cards. We are ready for you little man!

doctors visit

We got to see his sweet little face this week - very unexpectedly. After a jaunt through Tuesday morning and a yummy lunch in Belvedere Square, Kara and I headed to the doctors for our mid-day appointments. We waiting for a bit but didn't mind since we got to sit there and chat. We were both certainly surprised by how much weight we've both gained since our last visits. Dr. Duke came in and did a tummy check where we heard the baby's heartbeat and then she measured me. I had grown a good bit week over week and was actually measuring at 41 cm (37 would be more in line). She was perplexed by this and asked a lot of questions about the past week before sending me back for a sonogram. They let Kara come in the room with me which was really great. I was not expecting to see his face and features pop up on the screen! It was amazing. I kept thinking: wow, there he is, look at those lips, that sweet face, just amazing. They saw a lot of fluid (hence the measurement and my weight being up so much) and something with his kidneys so they sent us across the street to the hospital for some additional screening. The sonogram technician did say that the baby is a good size and may be close to 8.2 already! We went to the perinatal center where we waiting for a bit before going back and having another sonogram done. It was great to be able to see him twice in one day - moving around and healthy. There still was a concern surrounding his kidneys (hydronephosis) where there might be a possible blockage somewhere in his ureters or bladder but we won't know more until after he is here and they can do further assessments. It was a long day and a lot of information but the bottom line is that I am glad that they caught this when they did and glad that we know what we are getting in to. I am thankful for the doctors that we have and the precautions that they take. I am hopeful that all will be okay. I am going to the hospital now as well as the doctors on a weekly basis for testing and monitoring so they can keep a close eye on everything and we might be getting to meet him very soon which delights me! We are ready, little love.

37 weeks and prayer

Lots of questions and what ifs and whens are swirling around. We've been working on crossing things off of our to-do list and wondering just what it is going to be like when we are 3 instead of 2. The doctor said all looks good last week - and that he's an active little guy. I go back today I think for just a tummy check. Coincidentally, Kara has an appointment at exactly the same time so we are meeting up beforehand. I can't believe that her little girl is going to be here in three and a half months. She has been feeling the baby kick recently and growing a little baby bump. I wonder how similar she will be to Makenna and really can't wait to meet her! Our little love is now considered full-term at 37 weeks - wow, has that gone by so quickly. I can't imagine what our birth story will look like but have faith that my body knows what to do and can handle it. And know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the greatest reward is waiting on the other side. We had the hospital tour last night and it made the whole thing that much more "just around the corner" - no more procrastinating packing my hospital bag. Last week, Bubi sent me the following which we absolutely love and feel so very lucky and thankful and blessed at all of the people in our little one's life and how much they love him already:

Great-Grandma Bubi's Prayer

for Pre-born Baby Kerr

Dear Father in Heaven,
  Hold the precious new life of Baby Kerr close to Your heart and keep him safe and healthy in her Mother Kelly's womb. Please keep Mommy healthy too and free from harm while she is nurturing Baby in her body. 

  Give Daddy Dan wisdom and gentle care, love, and protection for Mommy and Baby. Let Baby hear the words of love that his parents speak to him even while he is in the womb.  Fill his parents' hearts with awe and wonder at their privileged part in Your creation of a life. Thank You for giving Baby Kerr a human body through the love of his parents for each other. Thank You for giving him an eternal soul, unique from every other in the whole wide world, a soul that is destined for heaven with You some day. Thank You for already having planned each day of Baby Kerr's life even from before the foundation of the world. 

  I pray for a special destiny for this child—in this family—with this specific heritage—and  this unique DNA. Baby Kerr is different from every other human being who was ever born into this world. May he grow to mature manhood and make a difference in the world through his life. 

  May the Guardian Angel whom You have already assigned to care for him from his conception throughout his life be always on guard day and night to keep him from danger and lead him to walk in goodness and in the ways of God. 

  Thank You for this precious new life as a gift from Your generous heart to our extended families who will with great joy surround her with love and care. 

Thank You, Lord, for hearing the prayer of great-grandma “Bubi” Leona for Baby Kerr whom she loves and will always pray for on earth and from Heaven. 

In the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Amen