last 2015 post

...unless I am inspired later today to write more but chances of that are unlikely. My boys are upstairs sleeping soundly after a very early morning and perhaps feeling the aftermath of Christmas and the family celebrations that surrounded it. 2015 rolled in quietly, I can't even remember what we did to celebrate last year at this time but know that we slept through the actual ball dropping. Our first NYE together we fell asleep on the floor of our recently moved in apartment after a little bar crawl. Tonight will be much different! 2015 - the year that we became parents, slept less, snuggled more, spent so many hours marveling at our son and watching him process and learn and grow into the super little human that he is. I never want to forget how he sleeps best with his face smooshed against mine, with his left thumb in his mouth and his fingers on my lips/nose/ears, how he has started to clap about any and everything and takes everything in just like Dan and I do. The year that we became homeowners in the town that I grew up in and worked to make this space ours. The year we celebrated our first wedding anniversary amongst so many other life changes. We became suburb folks - waiting in line for the Starbucks drive-through and making too many trips to super Walmart and Home Depot. We didn't travel out of the country or even much within it. We didn't win any awards or receive huge promotions. We loved and cried and learned very quickly that we can't take our, our sons or our families health for granted. We did the best we could, trying this or that and googling 'what to do if/when.' We realized how hard it is to juggle and searched for balance and sanity and naps. We grew. We became responsible. We are someone's whole world - and he is ours. What a year. Can't wait to see what the next one will bring. Feeling super blessed to be sitting exactly where I am looking out my front window and relishing in these few minutes of quiet before my loves wake. Happy new year!

My amazing ten month old

I have been blown away by just how much a little someone changes in ten months. Kyle is engaging. He is smart. He mimics sounds (his favorite being the tea kettle). He waves hi and bye when he merely hears the words. I can hand him cheerios to the back seat when we are driving down the road and feel his little hand grasp them and feed himself. He self soothes by sucking his left thumb almost every chance that he gets. He laughs - deep and freely. He pulls himself up quickly and walks around the ottoman or whatever he can. He's delightful and sweet and handsome and I know that I am his mom so chances are I am a little bit bias but other people have told me these things too. He is loving and curious. He hates to get dressed and sometimes fights sleep. He's a fun meal time companion and will eat pretty much anything. He pays attention to books even though he tries to eat the pages. He is a joy spreader, a life changer, a day maker. He recently learned how to do "so big" and loves to show his new skill. He is a master at motor boating his lips and can almost have a whole conversation by doing so. He is super fast and can get across the room in seemingly lightening speed. He is oh so lovable. He is worth the wait. And I can't believe that I even had the slightest thing to do with creating such a precious soul.

Kyle's first Christmas season

The (fake) tree is up. In the corner of the living room in our new home. Its a bit crooked and only half of the lights are working but the sight of it incomplete and imperfect still have me grinning from ear to ear. I'm watching Kyle in his sweet Dashing Through the Snow penguin gear play in his pack'n play which doesn't really happen often. Christmas carols are playing and we are headed to our first holiday party tonight. Breakfast with Santa is tomorrow morning and then we are planning to head to Bass Pro with the masses on Monday to see Santa. Tis the season. Someone made the comment to me last week that Christmas 2014 was my last Christmas. Now it is all about this sweet little guy with the bright and easy smile, with the strawberry blonde hair and stubborn but loving temperament. He's changed everything - so of course Christmas will be changed as well. I love seeing his fascination with even the smallest things - like the displays in Walmart or Home Depot. He loves the lights. Strangers in the store. We will find out soon about Santa. 21 more days until Christmas Day. Its hard to believe that 2015 will be ending soon after. And a brand new year on its heels. 2016 - wow. The year that Kyle will turn one, where we might not have quite as many life changes but maybe some more settling in. I so love this time of year. The smells and sights and sounds. The electricity in the air and the simplicity of it all. The magic of the season and getting to share it with my little creation.

Fall baby!

One of my favorite weeks of the year

Somehow it is almost Thanksgiving. I am lucky to not have to travel this holiday and was reminded just yesterday that 5 years ago I was in Cambodia and marveling at Angkor Wat and the gorgeousness of that country. Today I woke well before 5 am - delighted that Kyle was still sleeping soundly and anticipating his early morning wake up. Just about ten hours last night - we both woke restful and happy. He is a pure delight. We just had his nine month check up a few days ago and Dr. King is very pleased with his growth curve and how well he looks. They also said he is one of the happiest babies that they have ever seen! And he really is. He smiles at strangers everywhere we go. He recently learned how to clap and does this regularly and on command. He is a super fast crawler and is pulling himself up on everything and testing his balance. He had his first runny nose last week but survived and now we are gearing up to stuff ourselves with delicious food and surround ourselves with family. I've adjusted quite well to life in suburbia although I miss being able to walk to places so easily and my friends in the city. We are still getting together with my mom's group and it is so fun to see all of the babies react to each other and "play." The winery is closing for the season in just about a month and I've been able to get some good time in there and even was MOD on Veterans Day earlier this month. Several weeks ago we packed up for the day and drove our new Jeep to Winchester to spend the day with Bubi. It was lovely to get to hang out with her, attend mass and share some great meals. Its amazing to me to think that this time last year my little love was growing inside me and I had no idea what his personality would be like, what a great balance of both Dan and I his features are and how I would marvel each and every day at this wonderful little soul we brought in to the world. I love that he sucks his thumb and is a nuzzler. I hope to never forget how it first felt to hear him say "mama" - his first and favorite word.

no excuses

I am where I am because of where I have been, what I have learned, what I went through, what I felt and thought and hoped for, what I cried over, my support system, those that loved me. I no longer will make excuses as to why. Why my house isn't always spotless. Why my passions and work sometimes take me away from my family. Why I buy brownies someone else has perfected instead of making them from scratch. Why I can't always be everywhere.
Six months - its amazing to see what half a year looks like. To hear him belly laugh and babble. Everyone comments that it goes by so quickly and I'm sure it does. This week is the first day of school for many kids. We will be there is a few years - buying supplies and getting adjusted to a new routine. I wonder what my love will love. Will he know this knock down love that encompasses me. Can I be protective without being overly so or driving him crazy? I love his sleep positions - belly up, or all sprawled out hands above his head like his dad. I discovered last week how great of a travel companion he is - this delights me to no end. Dan and I created my perfect little person that happens to be a great travel partner! How awesome is that? On Wednesday, we crossed the Bay Bridge (some of us slept through it and actually the entire way to oc,md) and made our way as far east as we could go. We arrived at the Traber's and joined them on the beach under umbrellas and in the sand. Kyle took two solid naps with the ocean as his sound machine. Sticky with humidity and the one-piece scuba wear suit that I had him in. We got to see Shelly and crew that night and decided to stop for an Old Time Photo on the way to the beach the next day (after mama's crab benedict). This was priceless! One southern gentleman in the living room.

I am a leo

Today I turn 37.  I woke up with the light streaming in to our room and realized that Kyle was still sleeping. Ten hours last night! He is such a good baby. He's napping now while I get ready for the day ahead. I am blessed to be able to celebrate with so many that I love. My 36th year was one where I wondered and hoped and dreamed about the little one growing inside of me and then caring for him as best as I could the first few months. We are in such a great place now - settled and enjoying being a family of 3. This year I will focus a bit more on taking good care of myself and also on my jobs. I am accepting a promotion at the vineyard and will become more involved. On the R+F front, I am making good traction at the start of this month and want that momentum to continue. I also want to develop and grow a team. I received the sweetest card from Dan, a card from Dad and Joanne who are in Alaska, one from my in-laws and gd. Time does go by so quickly. I want to soak it all in and bottle it up. xoxo

host and hostess

The house is quiet. It didn't seem like that would ever be the case again considering just a few hours ago it was filled with sweet babies (anywhere from 5 weeks to 6 months) and their mamas. It was the first thing like that we've had at our new home and it was awesome. Even though I am not a born entertainer, I do love hosting for people, cooking for people, sharing, getting people together and spreading happiness. Kyle was a great host today - although he did manage to sneak in two naps while his friends were here!

He is at such a fun age. He seriously just laughs and smiles and his eyes light up so easily. My mom said today that he has all of my goodness - and that made me smile. Its certainly not always easy and its definitely more than a full time job, but oh my is it rewarding in so many ways. I just feel that he was put on the earth for a special reason and I love being a part of his life. I try to spend a few minutes every day just relishing in the fact that he is here and growing and will soon be at a new stage so I must soak it all in. He is sleeping in his crib (often for 7-8 hours before he wakes up to eat and then back to sleep), he is rolling over like its his job, he is eating oatmeal and loves his jolly jumper. He loves sleeping on his belly, sucking his thumb, being smiled at. He squeals and loves so fiercely. He is, by far, the very best thing that has ever happened to me.

mom's group

I must admit it. I belong to a mom's group. And I actually love it. Its a great group of women who all have these little humans around the same ago and are all trying to figure it out as best as they can. I look forward to going and seeing everyone every week and we have such a good group that we've even started doing stuff outside of the official "group." (Really, if you would have told me at any point that this is how I spend my time, I would not have believed you for one second, but here we are). Kyle is on the older side (will they kick us out now that he is no longer considered a newborn?) and usually flirts and smiles and coos and is his charming self. Its fun to get to know everyone and their stories. We went to Atwaters last week and discovered we are all around the same age. Tuesday we have a play date at one of the moms homes...soon enough I will have a home of my own to host people. 2 more weeks until settlement!

Tomorrow is a date that I have been dreading. JURY DUTY - ugh. I've been trying to figure out how to get out of this because there is just no way that I can be away from Kyle all day. After many calls and copies and inquiries, I learned on Friday I have been excused since they received a copy of his birth certificate and a letter from my doctor - whew!

I did work both Friday and today and Dan and Kyle did great! So happy about this and proud of them both.

my extension

Kyle is now 14 and a half weeks - when do we stop counting weeks and start counting months like the regular world? I don't know the answer to this question so until it gets easier to just round up or down, I will continue this weird week talk that they taught me the week I found out I was expecting.

He is completely lovable, pudgy, funny, loving and an overall very happy and good baby. I think this and it is confirmed by others that are not his mom. He also has a temper, knows what he wants, pouts when he doesn't get his way or someone doesn't read his mind and is completely and totally attached to me. At any given time he is not more than a few feet away from me. I love that he loves me as much as he does and obviously the reverse is more than the case but wow this little boy is rocking my world and rarely gives me any down time. Note, I am NOT in ANY way complaining. I would not have it any other way but oh my they don't warn you about this stuff. Some days I feel like its quite the accomplishment to not skip any parts of the shower, get to send an email or two and have a few minutes in the bathroom. What a far cry from whatever my life was before him! What a world rocker he is!
His whole face lights up when he smiles which completely and utterly undoes me. He's starting to learn how to laugh and he watches so closely when I read to him. He is stronger than he should be and sweeter than I ever imagined. He's such good stuff and makes everyone so joyful just being in his presence...heck, even just seeing a picture of him sometimes.
I know that there will be a day sooner than I would like to think when he doesn't need me quite as much as he does right now and chances are that will break my heart and so I will absolutely relish in this co-dependence that we have on each other and love him as fiercely as I do and do anything to make his world amazing.

back to my roots

We bought a house in Eldersburg! If you would have told me that this would be the case ever in my life, I would not have believed you. But now is the perfect time for us to head west - or is it northwest - and settle down. Its such a great situation for us! The location couldn't be any better; its actually in Kara's neighborhood :) So Benjamin's Claim here we come in just about one month. Everything happened so fast and came together just as it was meant to. We've already had our home inspection and now just need to pack up our little apartment in Baltimore and get ready to be homeowners!

I get to be an aunt again tomorrow :) This thrills me like nothing else. Kara is going in to the hospital in the morning and I do hope to meet Miss Myla in just 24 short hours...! I wonder what she will look like, be like -I'm just so anxious and love how our family is growing by another sweet little soul. So this is the last day Kyle is the youngest and I'm sure from here on out he will look even bigger to me.
Speaking of my little love, he has been doing great! He's eating twice throughout the night and its seeming like its around 2 am and then again 5:30 am. He's putting on the pounds and really filling out - his cheeks, his thighs, his belly. Oh, he is just delightful! He has been smiling up a storm and his entire face lights up. Its the sweetest thing. He has smiley eyes and "talks" so well. He can say o and is just so darn expressive. He's the best thing that I have ever done and I feel that I was created to be his mom.

two months KWK

Two months ago today, I found out that I was going to be meeting our little one the next day - and crying with relief of no longer being pregnant and getting to meet him! 

Yes, he will be eight weeks tomorrow and my how life has changed. It's hard work being someone's everything but we are doing the best we can and he's growing and happy and super sweet. I know that I will forget things as the days blend together and I walk around sleep deprived. I need to do a better job of taking videos and blogging. I'm back in my pre-pregnancy clothes which feels good and less than I was when I got pregnant - thank goodness for breast-feeding! What a lovely and draining experience this is. Its more important to me than I ever thought it would be and I care a lot less about who is around and what they may or may not see as all that is important to me is that he is well-fed and happy. I'm thrilled that this is something that comes naturally to both of us and for the most part has been issue-less. (I don't think that is a real word, but you get the idea) Kyle has had the opportunity to meet and spend time with so many people. I loved getting to watch him and Bubi together and how his grandparents (all 3 sets that he is lucky to have) ADORE him. 

This afternoon we venture to Hopkins for a follow up with the pediatric kidney doctors and I hope that they report that things are looking good as the urologist did a few weeks ago. I find comfort in knowing that he is well followed and they are carefully monitoring him every few months. His two month well visit was earlier this week and he is weighing in at 11.7 and 23 inches long. Neither of us were big fans of the shots that he received (of course I couldn't watch). I was told we need to move his bed time up and start giving him vitamin D drops. Kendall did stay with him last week while Dan and I ventured to Gitan for dinner together (not in shifts) and outside of our apartment - crazy. I'm writing this on my new computer which I love but don't spend nearly as much time on as I once did which is okay with me - more important things to do! 

One month in

It has been just over four weeks since we have become parents. I could marvel all day at this little one and his sweetness, his expressions, breathing, the little noises that he makes, his smell, his grasp on my finger...its amazing really. We are all still very much figuring it out. Its a trial and error adventure but every day at a time and so very worth (just like we were warned). Now I ask myself questions that I never thought that I would (is that chocolate or poop? how long do I wear this shirt with spit up on it before it gets to be too gross? will I always think that taking a shower is like going to the spa? do we all really sleep best when we are snuggled up like this even though we have 101 different sleeping options for him? ) He has wise eyes, pouty lips and hair that we can't quite tell if its red or blonde and sticks straight up after we wash it. When he smiles, I feel like my whole world lights up. When he cries, I want to cry with him - and sometimes I do. I underestimated the amount of help that I would need hugely. I so appreciate living close to family and having the support system that I do. Naps are pretty key but I don't get them as regularly as I thought I would. What is it that I do all day? How do the hours fly by like that? Today we took Dan to work and then Kyle and I went to the grocery store (his second trip to the store. He slept the whole time). I was able to feed him, put a load of laundry in and make myself lunch once we got home and I feel such a sense of accomplishment - lol, how crazy. We've done a few overnights in Eldersburg and ventured down to Annapolis this past Friday to stay at Nana and Pappy's. I love how everyone lights up around him and just can't seem to get enough. I feel so blessed to have this little lovie in my life and very lucky to be his mama.

Kyle has arrived!

I've been a mom just over a week now. Its amazing. I can't imagine not having this little guy in my life. I loved him before he was in my arms but now that he's here the unconditional love that I feel is surreal.   He is such the perfect combination of Dan and I and continues to rock my world every hour of every day. Kyle Waters Kerr was born February 20th, 2015 at 7:59 pm, 8.78 pounds of perfection and 21 inches long. There are things that I can't remember from that night and things that I will never forget. I was a constant flow of tears when I first heard him cry and when I saw him in Dan's arms. His hair was reddish blonde and his lungs were strong. Apparently, the doctors had to use fore-ceps to get him out and said he was swimming away because of all of the fluid. He seemed to settle down quickly once I was able to finally hold him. Mom, Dad, Joanne, Kara and Tiffany were all in the waiting room and heard the chimes ring announcing his arrival in to the world. I got to see each of them before surgery and then they were able to come back two at a time to marvel at this perfect little boy and all of his features. Everyone was glowing and thrilled that he was finally here. After spending several hours in recovery, we were moved in to our mother and baby room and settled in for our first night together as a family of 3. I kept waking and staring at him, watching him sleep and listening to his little sounds. Unbelievable.
Since I did have a cesarean, we stayed 4 nights in the hospital. I expected that I would want to go home sooner but it was nice to be under the care of the nurses and know that we was well tended to. There were some additional scans and testing that the urologist had to do before referring us to Hopkins. We have an appointment on Monday morning to see what next steps are and where to go from here. Poor little lovie had been through a lot his first few days. We brought him home Tuesday afternoon. Of course, it was freezing outside but we survived. And the other day, in the snow, we went to Kyle's first pediatrician appointment. The doctor said we are doing a great job - and I wanted to kiss her. I question more than I expected to. Am I doing this right? Will he be okay if? I've been around kids all of my life and taken care of plenty and yet still I wonder and hope and second guess. Whew - this motherhood thing! It has taken me by storm and encompassed all that I am. I feel so very lucky xoxo

Birth day!

It is certainly the coldest day of the year - and in fact, I heard the coldest day that Baltimore has seen since 1896- that our little boy will be making his debut. My heat is full, my tears are over-floweth and my stomach is rumbling in anticipation of all that will be later today. Dan and I went to Fork and Wrench last night for dinner. I was afraid that my mind wasn't going to let me sleep but thankfully, that was not the case. And now today is here ... 2/20/15- a great day to be born! So we are trying to get stuff crossed off my list and pack everything and get everything in order. In just about an hour and a half we will start our journey - the anticipation is astonishing! Little love is almost here!

I love you tomorrow

you are only a day away!
Our game plan is in place and this time tomorrow we will hopefully have our little boy in our arms! I can hardly believe it. I am so torn on whether to be up and doing all of the things that need to be done or resting on this heating pad on my couch...The doctors appointments went well today.  I heard his, nice strong heartbeat for about 30 minutes when I was plugged in (averaging around 144). Mom met me there and we soon went back for a sonogram where we got a few good profile shots. My fluid levels remained the same pretty much week over week so I was dismissed. Across the street was where all of the good stuff happened. I was measuring big(ger) at around 44 and after checking things out (I will spare you, dear blog reader the details) the doctor highly recommended a c section.  Of course, I am fine with whatever they think is best for me and baby. All signs seemed to be pointing in this direction and so who am I to fight it? He asked when I wanted to schedule the surgery and we crossed our fingers and said tomorrow. They went to see if there was availability for Friday, February 20th - my baby's birthday! Dr. Duke will be performing the cesarean tomorrow afternoon at 3:30 pm. What a relief! I cried tears of joy just knowing that this will be happening and that he will be here so very soon. Also, I don't need to worry about where I will be when my water breaks, the ride to the hospital, the first timers questions, timing contractions, the waiting, the possibility of going in to labor and then having to have a c section (which just sounds like a nightmare to me). I called Dan from the exam room and asked if he wanted to have a baby tomorrow with tears running down my face. I honestly don't know if I've heard him sound so thrilled. I could hear the smile take up his whole face. He told me that is the best news he could have gotten and I can't agree more.

Lyrics to Mom

Little baby told God, hey I'm kind of scared.
Don't really know if I want to go down there.
From here it looks like a little blue ball
That's a great big place and I'm so small.

Why can't I just, stay here with you?
Did I make you mad, don't you want me too?
God said oh child, of course I do
But there's somebody special waiting for you

So hush now baby, don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender, tough and strong
It's almost time to go and meet your mom.

You'll never have a better friend
Or a warmer touch to tuck you in
She'll kiss your bruises, your bumps and scrapes
And anytime you hurt
Her heart's gonna break

So hush now baby, don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender, tough and strong
It's almost time to go and meet your mom.

And when she's talking to you make sure you listen close
'Cause she's gonna teach you everything you'll ever need to know
Like how to mind your manners, to love and laugh and dream
She'll put you on the path that bring you back to me

So, hush now little baby, don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender, tough and strong
Come on child it's time, to meet your mom

 

We're up!

39 weeks today... so hard to believe. I remember when my stomach was still flat and I would feel it and wonder what was going on in there knowing that a little life was developing. Now it is the first thing people see, so round and basket-bally and hard. Now my stomach draws them in. They hold doors, smile, ask questions - are so nice to me. The other day I received a side of pickles with my soup - just because I am pregnant. And you know what - they were delicious and probably would have been even if I wasn't expecting.
 It's not going to be too much longer; maybe a week or so. Jitka had her little Lucas a few months ago over in the Czech Republic and is relishing in mommyhood.  Georgia just had adorable little Chloe just a few days ago - both with due dates just before ours and now its our turn. We are up. Of course there are still a million and one things that I could be doing but for now I am trying to memorize the feeling of him inside of me. Of the movements that make me look around to see if the whole room feels the same thing. Of Dan's hand on my stomach getting to feel his kicking and hiccups.
So Thursday will be here in just about 48 hours - and we will figure out our game plan and all of these months of preparing and wondering will be here, finally. Stay tuned

the waiting game

And so now....we wait. Not knowing when things are going to happen, what that will all look like and how it will all go. We are supposed to get some crazy snow storms this week so that could add an interesting element to everything. We have his laundry done, our bags are pretty much packed, we've memorized the route to the hospital. I wonder at every movement. We are counting days and no longer weeks. For so long the end of February seemed so far off and now it is really just around the corner. The appointments went well with the doctors this week. My fluid levels were about the same as they were the previous week (so no cause for concern), the baby was moving his hands and feet a good bit and called feisty and cooperative by the technician. I was hooked up to a monitor for about 30 minutes so they could monitor his heart rate and then went back for a sonogram. Not quite the drama of last week which was fine by me. At my OB appointment, the doctor said that his stomach is measuring bigger than his head which they call a football baby. She also said that we would make a game plan next week when I am there and then 39 weeks! It seemed like such a great idea at the time but now Thursday seems so far away. I know that the longer he stays in, the better and that I've made it this far so I can certainly make it another week or so. I am relishing in the movements and the feelings that I am experiencing now his rolls and kicks (mostly in my ribs) and hiccups that will all be much different once he is on the outside. I get teary eyed and emotional very easily and look forward to having him in my arms and being able to look in to his eyes and kiss his sweet cheeks.
Yesterday Meredith came over in the morning for coffee and pastries (parking ticket worthy ones apparently). I was looking forward to seeing the girls and getting to meet Caitlyn but they were both a bit under the weather and it was nice to catch up with her. She's busy and balancing and such a good friend. Dan and I had our very last class at the hospital - nothing says Valentine's Day like a nursing class in an auditorium with a bunch of other expectant couples. Afterwards, we headed to Mount Washington Tavern before dinner at Ethel's Creole Kitchen - it was delicious! We ended our night with silk chocolate cake on our couch, cards and House of Cards. We are ready for you little man!

doctors visit

We got to see his sweet little face this week - very unexpectedly. After a jaunt through Tuesday morning and a yummy lunch in Belvedere Square, Kara and I headed to the doctors for our mid-day appointments. We waiting for a bit but didn't mind since we got to sit there and chat. We were both certainly surprised by how much weight we've both gained since our last visits. Dr. Duke came in and did a tummy check where we heard the baby's heartbeat and then she measured me. I had grown a good bit week over week and was actually measuring at 41 cm (37 would be more in line). She was perplexed by this and asked a lot of questions about the past week before sending me back for a sonogram. They let Kara come in the room with me which was really great. I was not expecting to see his face and features pop up on the screen! It was amazing. I kept thinking: wow, there he is, look at those lips, that sweet face, just amazing. They saw a lot of fluid (hence the measurement and my weight being up so much) and something with his kidneys so they sent us across the street to the hospital for some additional screening. The sonogram technician did say that the baby is a good size and may be close to 8.2 already! We went to the perinatal center where we waiting for a bit before going back and having another sonogram done. It was great to be able to see him twice in one day - moving around and healthy. There still was a concern surrounding his kidneys (hydronephosis) where there might be a possible blockage somewhere in his ureters or bladder but we won't know more until after he is here and they can do further assessments. It was a long day and a lot of information but the bottom line is that I am glad that they caught this when they did and glad that we know what we are getting in to. I am thankful for the doctors that we have and the precautions that they take. I am hopeful that all will be okay. I am going to the hospital now as well as the doctors on a weekly basis for testing and monitoring so they can keep a close eye on everything and we might be getting to meet him very soon which delights me! We are ready, little love.

37 weeks and prayer

Lots of questions and what ifs and whens are swirling around. We've been working on crossing things off of our to-do list and wondering just what it is going to be like when we are 3 instead of 2. The doctor said all looks good last week - and that he's an active little guy. I go back today I think for just a tummy check. Coincidentally, Kara has an appointment at exactly the same time so we are meeting up beforehand. I can't believe that her little girl is going to be here in three and a half months. She has been feeling the baby kick recently and growing a little baby bump. I wonder how similar she will be to Makenna and really can't wait to meet her! Our little love is now considered full-term at 37 weeks - wow, has that gone by so quickly. I can't imagine what our birth story will look like but have faith that my body knows what to do and can handle it. And know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the greatest reward is waiting on the other side. We had the hospital tour last night and it made the whole thing that much more "just around the corner" - no more procrastinating packing my hospital bag. Last week, Bubi sent me the following which we absolutely love and feel so very lucky and thankful and blessed at all of the people in our little one's life and how much they love him already:

Great-Grandma Bubi's Prayer

for Pre-born Baby Kerr

Dear Father in Heaven,
  Hold the precious new life of Baby Kerr close to Your heart and keep him safe and healthy in her Mother Kelly's womb. Please keep Mommy healthy too and free from harm while she is nurturing Baby in her body. 

  Give Daddy Dan wisdom and gentle care, love, and protection for Mommy and Baby. Let Baby hear the words of love that his parents speak to him even while he is in the womb.  Fill his parents' hearts with awe and wonder at their privileged part in Your creation of a life. Thank You for giving Baby Kerr a human body through the love of his parents for each other. Thank You for giving him an eternal soul, unique from every other in the whole wide world, a soul that is destined for heaven with You some day. Thank You for already having planned each day of Baby Kerr's life even from before the foundation of the world. 

  I pray for a special destiny for this child—in this family—with this specific heritage—and  this unique DNA. Baby Kerr is different from every other human being who was ever born into this world. May he grow to mature manhood and make a difference in the world through his life. 

  May the Guardian Angel whom You have already assigned to care for him from his conception throughout his life be always on guard day and night to keep him from danger and lead him to walk in goodness and in the ways of God. 

  Thank You for this precious new life as a gift from Your generous heart to our extended families who will with great joy surround her with love and care. 

Thank You, Lord, for hearing the prayer of great-grandma “Bubi” Leona for Baby Kerr whom she loves and will always pray for on earth and from Heaven. 

In the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Amen

sunrise over Baltimore

4 weeks or so to go! I am definitely feeling it - tired in the afternoon and can hardly keep my eyes open, a bit of lower back pain, waddling around, tough to get comfortable, up several times throughout the night to hit up the bathroom, sometimes don't know how much space I am taking up, hard to put pants on one leg at a time (but I don't know how any other way)...but the end is in sight. I have my 36 week appointment today and am anxious to hear what the doctor has to say about the position and size of the baby. Someone told me it looks like I swallowed a basketball - ha! We had our 3rd childbirth class last night. It was a bit eye opening (or closing) with some of the videos that we watched (I thought that was just a myth but I suppose not). Baby's room is coming together! I did my first of many baby laundry loads the other day and can't believe how tiny the socks and little onesies are. Yesterday Dan's co-workers had a surprise shower for him and it was so sweet. Its such a nice group that is so excited about our little boy. We received some very thoughtful gifts and were touched by everyone's generosity. Dan was surprised and didn't even at first see me there! We are narrowing names down. That seems to be everyone's next question. Do we have a name...I'm glad to say that we are closer than we have been. I've been waking up early, when everything is still quiet and dark thinking about how different it will be in a few weeks once he is here and we get to marvel at him and everything he does.

my pregnancy

Something I thought I would write about for hours and hours or at the very least blog about - but none of that has happened yet. I have had a truly wonderful pregnancy. The kind that makes you glow from the inside out. I did not get sick once. I have no food aversions and am not overly sensitive to smells or anything like that. I waited and waited to "pop out" and finally did. I remember thinking how will I ever fit in to this piece of maternity clothing and now I am busting out of everything. My stomach is round, hard and impossible to miss. I slather cocoa butter or whatever else I can get my hands on all over the growing shape and marvel at the changes. My belly button is unrecognizable. People say that I am all baby and for the most part, I agree with them although I can tell there are other more subtle changes that are happening to my body. I am now 33 weeks and the baby is the size of a pineapple and weighs just around 4 pounds. I can't imagine that we get to meet him finally as soon a next month or whenever he decides to make his appearance in to this world. His movements are more pronounced now than they ever have been and I think will only get stronger as he grows and stretches and tries to make more room in there. He is loved so much without us even getting to meet him. This whole thing truly is a miracle and such a blessing. I wasn't sure if I would ever get to be a mom and now I can't imagine not experiencing this - feeling his pokes and prods and daydreaming about this little life that my love and I created. Tomorrow I go to the doctor's for a tummy check and to make sure that things are progressing as they should be. We also start our childbirth classes tomorrow night - everything is definitely happening and although I will be fairly uncomfortable, I know the next few weeks will go by so quickly and that we should sleep while we can.
Today was a snow day which meant that I didn't leave the house, Dan got to work from home and Dad and Joanne came up for a few hours to help in the baby's room. The amount of stuff that we got done with their help is incredible and makes me feel much less crazy. The room is really starting to come together and the amount of clothes that this little boy has is unbelievable. We squeezed in some homeland, a few great meals and some r+r between all of the hanging and sorting and organizing. All in all, a wonderful way to spend the day as the temperatures outside plummet.